One Step Back

Last night after dinner I started feeling crappy. Fast forward a couple of hours and I was in the ER being evaluated for vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain and fever. Really fun symptoms to deal with when you have given birth 4 days earlier and are still very sore (vomiting requires using abdominal and pelvic muscles that I was not prepared to use). It took about 4 hours for the ER to evaluate me including blood work, a CT scan and a pelvic exam. Again, never expected a pelvic exam 4 days after giving birth. They found a slightly elevated white blood cell count indicating possible infection. They also found elevated liver function indicating who knows what. The only thing indicated by the CT scan was constipation. How do you have constipation and diarrhea at the same time? The scan also confirmed the gall stones that I've known about for awhile, but have had no symptoms of a gall stone attack.

By the time they admitted me back to the mother and child unit, they suspected a uterine infection and/or the flu. Apparently uterine infections don't generally present with the exact symptoms I had and for awhile there they were concerned about toxic shock syndrome, which is quite rare post pardum. After seeing an infectious disease doctor this morning, he confirmed the most likely culprit was uterine infection and possibly a touch of the flu on top of it. So I'm back in the hospital and they are giving me a broad course of IV antibiotics along with fluids. If all goes well, I should be released on Monday.

In the meantime, B is home with the babies, taking care of them like a single daddy. My dad is helping him while my mom is here with me in the hospital. What would we do without our parents here?

B and my dad took the babies to the pediatrician today. Apple's bilirubin did go up to 17, so they now want her to use a bili blanket to help her get past the jaundice. Banana is fine. They both weigh about what they did when we were discharged Thursday, so it looks like maybe they've stopped loosing weight. The pediatrician is trying to set up an appointment for Banana for Monday with a pediatric orthopedist to look at his arm. The pediatrician seems happy with our feeding schedule. Although this hospital stay has caused a bit of a bump in the road. I'm not sure either baby will take the boob again after being bottle fed for three days. I am pumping in the hospital and we got confirmation from both my OB and the pediatrician that the medications they have me on shouldn't cause an issue with giving them my milk. At least I can still feed them some breast milk and we'll just have to wait and see if I'm able to introduce nursing to them again when I get home.

So that's where we are. Not the best place to be, but it could be worse. We were prepared for the possibility that we might have to go home without the babies for awhile. We never thought they would be home without me. Just another situation that took us completely off guard. Emotionally, I'm dealing. I'm doing what I need to do and I know getting myself healthy is the best thing for the babies. But it is difficult to be here without them. It almost feels like I never gave birth to them in the first place. B and my dad brought them by the hospital to visit today, so at least I got to see them. I was still too nervous to hold them as I'm still sick and when I have to go, I have no control over it. Part of me keeps repeating infantile phrases to myself like "why me, why did this happen" and "it just isn't fair." But there's nothing I can do about it other than what I'm doing.