Saturday, December 20, 2008

Where to Start

There are so many thoughts swirling around my head these days. I am still having trouble picturing how this is going to work. What will labor be like? Will I be able to push BOTH babies out without needing a c-section? How are the dogs going to react to the babies? What will our lives be like next week? I'm still having trouble believing that we are really here. If you had asked me 7 weeks ago, I never would have believed we'd make it past 36 weeks.

The labor part has been on my mind the most the past couple of days. I've had ample opportunity to watch all of the birthing shows on Disc.overy Health and TLC and not ONE of them has shown a vaginal twin birth. What's up with that? I know they happen. It isn't THAT rare. I have to keep reminding myself every time I watch one of those shows, that I'll have to do the pushing part twice and then worry about two babies when they come out, not one. I know once Apple comes out, it should be easier to get Banana out, but this may not necessarily be the case. The cervix can actually close up. And since Banana is likely bigger, there would still be potential for more pain and tearing, etc.

The time in between the babies' births is actually the most dangerous part for Banana. He can easily go into distress because of the drastic change of pressure in the uterus or he could flip around into some other position that would require a c-section. After. A. Vaginal. Birth. This would be a bad scenario. Not one I want to even contemplate. And I can't even picture what it will be like once Apple is out and I'm focused on her, but still have to push Banana out. Uggh. I know there's no point in worrying about it now. I have no control over it and I know my doctor will do everything she can to get us all through this healthy and happy.

It is also bothering me that we will have to deliver in a sterile, uncomfortable operating room on a table instead of an L&D bed. With about 10 people in the room. I knew this would be the case pretty early on, but I'm just now starting to think about it and I guess I shouldn't. I know it is for the safety of me and the babies, but it just isn't the ideal environment for a "comfortable" birth.

I'm also annoyed that I still have this stupid rash. I'm sure once I'm in labor I'll forget about it, but part of me can't help wondering if I'll just be focused on both pain and itching. Is that possible? Again, something I'm worried about that I have no control over. Sensing a theme here? Then, there's the breast feeding question. Will I be able to nurse two babies and actually manage to not starve them? I am resigned to supplementing with formula, but I hope I'll be able to at least experience nursing and give the babies as much benefit as I can from breast milk.

Other than my mind racing with all of these thoughts, we are pretty much ready. The nursery is set up, for the most part. B hooked up our fancy video monitor with 2 cameras this morning so we can see both cribs. The car seat bases were installed and checked by our local fire department. We have take home outfits for the babies, although we have no idea if they will fit. My hospital bag is packed along with our "media" bag that holds the camera, video camera, and a laptop. My ipod is loaded with tons of music and the headphones just need one last charge. Our doula is on notice.

All that is left is for B to pack a change of clothes and some snacks for himself and a bag for the dogs. The dogs are now going to the kennel on Monday since we will be home tomorrow night. I would like to try to shave my legs tomorrow, but let's face it, that really isn't the most important thing. Oh, and we still have a couple of last minute holiday gifts to take care of before chaos hits.

We are actually going to try to go to a little holiday party with some friends tonight if I feel up to it. We've done this with this same group of friends for a number of years now and I would hate to miss it. Hopefully I'll have enough energy to go-even if it is only for half an hour. Our last hurrah as a childless couple.

Now if only I could wrap my brain around Monday and what will come after!

19 comments:

Amanda said...

I don't have much assvice on most of your post, but as far as the breastfeeding goes, it seems I'm pretty much the only twin Mom I know with the supply issue. I'm sure you'll be able to feed both babies just fine!

Mr. W and I were concered about our dogs with the boys, and they're great so far! Mr. W's dog whimpers anytime one of the boys gets fussy. She then back and forth between us and the boys as if saying, "get them! help them! something is wrong!" It's really too cute!

Good luck! You're in my thoughts and prayers!!

Amanda said...

Oh yeah, and I saw a bunch of episodes with vaginal twin deliveries. You can do it! :-)

PJ said...

I think the party is a great idea. Anything to get your mind of all of this.

That said, I'm sure everything will go fine! Sounds like you've got a lot of support, and you've planned things well. It will all fall into place.

:)

Valerie said...

Good luck on Monday! I have seen some twin vaginal births on those shows too. As for the breastfeeding I know it can be done, in fact there is a triplet momma who breastfed all three. But if it doesn't happen do not beat yourself up over I will be thinking of you Monday and wishing you good thoughts.

Maryanne said...

Someone told me the worrying like this is a welcome to motherhood and will continue the rest of your life. So, I say to you-welcome to motherhood (on Monday of course)! You will do great-can't wait to hear the great news!

Rebecca said...

From a Former Control Freak,

Someone once told me that if you try to control everything, you could miss out on some of life's best surprises...I slapped her - just kidding! I know where you're coming from and no matter what you think will happen or the number of possible scenarios you come up with, it won't be anything like you think! Oh, and my crazy dog was fine...she gets it.

Once I got to the hospital, I just let go of all control b/c they knew better than I. You can totally do it and they're going to put you the best place possible for the babies...have fun at your party! I really hope you get to go!!!

Angela said...

I don't know if you follow this blog, but this woman had two vaginal births with two sets of twins: http://roleplayingwithkids.blogspot.com/

Her story was on Discovery Health (Five Under 5).

bb and mtb said...

Enjoy the par-tay!!!! Knowing the date for L&D is a good thing, but maybe it can also drive you crazy because you know when it's coming. I read this (http://www.lookydaddy.com/weblog/2007/06/i_know_that_mos.html)many, many months ago, and if you haven't read it, it gives lots and lots of stories about women who have had total normal twin births. If you have time, read a few entries and maybe that will make you feel better. Can't wait to see some pics of Apple and Banana!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll be thinking of you on Monday - good luck!

Jingle Sugar-Socks said...

From one twin mom to another about-to-be-a-twin-mom:

* You can deliver both vaginally. Even if Banana does flip (when all she's really trying to do is enjoy all that extra room!) the drs. will do all they can to flip her around again. Once Joseph was born Elizabeth flipped and became a serious frank breech. Guess what - still a vaginal delivery. Seven minutes later the dr. literally reached in and pulled her out. And no meds at all - totally felt it. Not so much pain as it was weird. I was already on a high from hearing Joseph cry. If I could do it, you can too.

* Breast-Feeding Twins - totally doable. I did it but always kept a can of powdered formula around 'just in case' (I think we went through one can total the entire time.) You will not starve them. Your body will do what it needs to do. Just remember to feed yourself because your body will pull your nutrients away from your body in order to feed the babies. If I could do it - you can do it too.

* Delivering in front of 10 people in an OR - yeah, it sucks but just do it. You won't care what the room is like or who's looking at your vagingo once you see those faces. I promise. Remember on the show Mad About You when Jamie and Paul were fighting with another couple for 'the good room' (they lost!) After the baby was born Jamie looked at the baby and said, "This really is the good room." If I was able to suck it up, you can too.

You're going to do great. I promise. I was certainly no super-preggo and definitely am not a super-mom but if you are confident in yourself and love those babies with everything you've got, you'll be the most awesome, ass-kicking, super-coolest mom in the world!

Jennifer said...

My SIL had twins vaginally...so it is very possible for you too. I know a lot of twin pregnancies end in c-section, but some don't have to...hopefully yours will be uncomplicated and smooth! Fingers crossed for you!!!

Jules said...

Oh you just took me back in time when I was pregnant with Rachel. I went through a lot of what you're going through but I obviously only had to worry about one baby so it was different...yet the same if that makes sense.

I remember by the time I got to the hospital I decided to just let things happen the way they should. Sure I had a birth plan but I realized that if it had to change, so be it. I'm a bit of a control freak though so that was hard to do but I believed it was best for the baby - and honestly, it made my nurse & doctor very happy! LOL

I hope you got out tonight to have some fun with friends..and hopefully it got your mind off that annoying rash!

Hang in there - you're SO close!

Spicy Sister said...

Denise,

I can relate to the fears and worries of the unknown and uncontrollable, although your list is certainly longer than mine for sure. I have no advice - just lots of good wishes, thoughts, and prayers that your labor is short and relatively easy and that your delivery goes well and both babies are healthy and strong. I will be thinking of you Monday morning as you cross the threshold into official mommyhood.

Rhonda said...

oh D - not much to offer here except a big hug! I can see that knowing the date has been a bit of a double edged sword - you can plan a bit more, etc., but then it allows you more time to think about everything. I truely believe that once tomorrow gets here, once you are with the doctors and it is Go Time, you will just get caught up in the moment and embrace everything! The past 2+ years have been quite a time for you and here you (and B and the doggies)are, just a few days away from one of the greatest moment of your life! I am so happy for you. The support of your friends and family, your strenght and especially you and Bs love and desire for this moment will carry these thoughts away when the time comes and you will just be in the moment and what a GREAT moment it will be!

As for the party - what great timing! I hope you feel up to it and are out and about for even just a bit. Enjoy your night and your last hurrah with just you and B as non-parents!

xoxoxo

Jen said...

I can't believe you have a day to go!

I am wishing you all the best for an easy smooth labor and delivery! Good luck!

s.e. said...

I love the idea of your last hurrah and I hope it proves to be a good distraction. I can't imagine how much your mind is swirling right now but no matter what- everything will be o.k.

I wish you smooth and fast deliveries. Focus on the joy you will feel to see Apple and Banana. We will all be thinking about you as you welcome them into the world!

paula said...

You can do this, and even if it is not exactly as you planned it will still be the most significant thing you do on Monday- I won't say in your live, because you have a lot more significant things left. My friend the OB nurse says twins are one of her favorite deliveries, because it is always a surprise. I have only Labored one mom through a twin birth, one vag and one Section. Mom was disappointed, but VERY excited to see both her babies. Breastfeeding, just takes time, practice (niether you nor your babies have done it before), patience, and determination. Nursing my boys was both the most relaxing thing I did and the most challenging, and I cannot tell you how many times I thought about giving up, but didn't. You and B will be good parents, one thing I did with our dog was to take home a hat from the boys and let her smell it then tell her "easy" as she smelled it so she knew that she had to be easy with that smell. Our dog has never been rough with the boys and she lets Benj almost ride her like a horse...
Basically, I think that if you do what feels right in your heart you will do fine. Get used to the lack of control-you will be loosing control on Monday!!!
I am so excited for the arrival of Apple and Banana!

Miss Tori said...

Wishing you the best birthing experience ever! I hope that both Apple and Banana are able to birth vaginally, and that Mama comes through as a star!

Mo and Will said...

Wow - so many things to think about! Of course you can't wrap your head around it all. And yes, as is often true in life, much of it is out of your control. You sound like you've planned as much as you can. Tomorrow will be a huge leap of faith. I will be thinking about you and your DH and apple and banana tomorrow!

Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier.

Mo

Jules said...

Just wanted to let you know that I'll be thinking about you tomorrow morning - it's hard to believe in 12 hours you'll be at the hospital getting this show on the road :)

You are going to be GREAT tomorrow!