Monday, April 21, 2008

SO FRUSTRATED

Ultrasound today showed 17-18 follies, with about 13 ready to go, so we were told trigger would likely be tonight. The ultrasound tech who measured my lining today could only get a 6 out of it, but it was a different tech with a different machine, so they are treating it as a 7. Great. Nothing like giving me more confidence here.

My E2 level is now at 5,833, even after a day of coasting it went up by over 2,000. We are not triggering tonight. The doc wants me to stop taking the es.trace and go back in tomorrow to see what my "true" estrogen level is without the es.trace. I really don't believe that taking one tiny little es.trace vaginally could be skewing my E2 level by THAT much. I also don't believe giving me another day off stims will cause my E2 to drop. Just speaking from past experience with my own body here, but what do I know?

I am so frustrated. I don't understand why my body is doing this and not reacting the way it should. Why didn't we start at the lowest possible dose of stims and build up if needed?

I had my mind set on triggering tonight with retrieval Wednesday and both B and I had told our bosses already (serves us right).

I think part of what is upsetting me right now is the thought of yet another day of the vi.agra. Have I mentioned how much I hate this stuff and how much of a freak I feel while on it (things just don't feel right in there)? I'm also worried about the fact that Nancy's doctor told her not to take the es.trace and vi.agra at the same time and mine didn't mention a word about that (I've been taking my es.trace at the same time as my 4th dose of vi.agra each night). I know each patient is different and each doctor has a different theory, but it's just one more thing for me to worry about.

Fuck. (sorry, Mom)

15 comments:

s.e. said...

I hope things turn around for you. It's understandable to be frustrated. I've questioned my plan at times based on what other's RE suggest. I know it's hard but try to trust your doctor. I'm cheering for you to trigger soon!

Duck said...

This sucks. Sorry to hear that your having such a shit time. Hope it gets better.

Rhonda said...

sounds like a crappy day...that sucks. hopefully things will turn for the good later tonight/tomorrow/wednesday!

PJ said...

Geeezzz! Hopefully it will all pan out tomorrow. I'm sorry you're having such a rough go of it.

mrsyak said...

Dude, that sucks. I'm really sorry, and I'm rooting for a turn for the best!

Spicy Sister said...

Fuck. That seems like exactly the appropriate response. Damnit. It is no wonder you are so frustrated. I am sorry things are so wonky and not going how you expected. I am totally rooting for you and am hoping things start turning around really soon. Big hugs to you.

chicklet said...

I don't know what to say, but if it makes you feel any better, I see other girls being told things and recommending things and I worry too - and then I kick myself that we're all different and all clinics are different. Hopefully they'll sort this shit out for you though and you'll get to trigger along with me. Mine looks like tomorrow night, but I'm not sure after today, so I'll post later and maybe we'll go together?

Jen said...

That's insane, about your lining, your E2, everything!

Fuckity fuck.

nancy said...

I wouldn't worry about the estrace and viagra at the same time. My RE said the viagra's wax coating would interfere w/ the absorbtion of estrace. I don't think you are having any issue with low amounts of E2.

Fuck - I hope your lining will grow! What is the minimum they'll go on? As you know, my RE cancelled at 7 - as he wanted it over 10, but I think 9mm would have been his real minimum.

Your lining has grown in the last day before, so it can again. And I am actually glad you aren't triggering tonight because that could stagnate any potential lining growth or even thin it. My RE said that I had little to no chance of growth once I triggered and he was right.

About the viagra, I start tomorrow as soon as FedEX overnight gets here. I'm actually excited - I've told everyone I'm on viagra. Because of you, I know how you hate it, so at least I'm ready.

Oh - for side effects - my doc said
1) libido CAN increase
2) orgasms can change
3) I may be more wet
and
4) I ~will~ have all my girlie parts swell. So that is normal.

I wish you all the luck for tomorrow. Call me if you want.

Melanie said...

Denise, what frustrating bullshit. How can you not second guess? I feel certain that this will work out, but I do wish that there was more certainty in this process. Hang in.

K said...

I hope your E2 level goes down today. I coasted for two days without any stim meds, too. It's frustrating when you think the trigger is today, but postponed for another day of unknown. I hope your lining will grow. Remember, you are a late bloomer!

shinejil said...

Fuck indeed (sorry, Denise's mom). This just blows, and I'm sorry you have to continue this uncomfortable protocol.

I'm going to be sending thick, velvety lining thoughts your way, and my hopes that trigger will come soon and that the rest of this cycle will proceed in textbook fashion.

beautycourage said...

What a huge frustrating bummer!!! Please hang in there. It will all work out in the end, there is nothing you can do at this point, right? You wouldn't want them to go ahead if your E2 is to high- but the lack of being able to plan and anticipate SUCKS, I know. Thinking of you--

HeidiM said...

Hoping your lining fluffs up. I had a thin lining last year on clomid and remember finding lots of examples on the web about women who had a 6 or 7 and still got prego, so it can definitely happen. When in doubt, read success stories!!

And to Nancy's comment "I've told everyone I'm on Viagra" -- I did the same thing -- my twisted mind just wanted to get their reactions.

luna said...

denise, hope everything falls magically into place and can proceed. and sorry about the crappy protocol.

if it makes you feel any better, my clinic says their pregnancy success rates are the same for linings between 7-13mm. 7 may be on the low side, but I know several people who have had successful pregnancies with just 7-7.5 (just not me, unfortunately).

good luck! and how cute your mom is reading. hi denise's mom! ~luna