It has been 3 days since my last post, which I think is a record for me. I've gotten in the habit of posting every day or maybe missing just one day here or there. We had our first appointment with the therapist yesterday and my head has just been spinning ever since. I didn't really feel like posting last night and I am trying to force myself to take short breaks away from IF related activities off and on (per the therapist's advice). This doesn't mean I'm going to stop blogging or reading all of my fav blogs. It just means that I need to force myself to stay away for a night here and there. It is going to be difficult for me-yes, I'm addicted.
Don't get me wrong, the therapist did not at all discourage me from blogging. In fact, she encouraged it. It's just that we talked about balance and the fact that my life has had no balance for quite some time now because I've been consumed with treatments. Even if it is only for an hour at a time, it would be healthy if I could go for short periods of time without even thinking about this stuff. The therapist (okay, I really need to giver her a name-let's call her Sage), Sage, seems to think that my thoughts are in my control and I can avoid thinking about things if I force myself not to. Definitely easier said than done. One of her other suggestions was for B and I to plan to do some fun non-IF related activities that we normally don't do. Something fun. Taking the dogs for a walk, going hiking, going to a museum. Something that will help us focus on something other than IF while we are together.
Other than that, we talked about the difference between men and women and how we process things (women are the talkers, men are the fixers) and how we could try to communicate in a different way that would make us both feel better. I think Sage is on the right track with us and we've agreed to go see her once a week until we get through this next cycle-pass or fail. We'll see what happens then.
On a separate note, I need to explain myself a little. Nancy noted in her ColoBlogger post that I was really quiet at our meet up on Saturday and that I didn't take my scarf off the whole time. I know it probably comes as a shock after reading my blog, but I actually can be quite shy when in larger groups (more than 3 people) that I haven't met before. I tend to sit back and absorb until I get comfortable, but once I'm comfortable, watch out--it all comes flying out and you won't be able to shut me up! I've always been this way. I can remember as a little kid when we'd go to my grandparents' house with all the cousins how I would be really shy and hide behind my mom's legs. After awhile (an hour?) I would venture out and become a normal kid.
Saturday was a little strange for me because I feel like I know all of the ColoBlogger ladies so well. I know intimate details that some of them would never tell their best friends. And yet, meeting in person still brought out all that initial shyness in me. I'm also really conscious in group situations about letting other speak and trying not to interrupt. And honestly, part of my quietness on Saturday was fascination. Fascination that a group of women who are just meeting for the first time can be so open, laugh, provide support so quickly-just like that. And the time just flew by.
As for the scarf, well a lady never tells....
No, really. I was freezing all morning and I'm not much of a coffee or tea drinker, so the scarf truly was just keeping me warm. I do this all the time at work during the winter because my office is always freezing in the mornings. Now I'm wondering if people are walking around at work thinking my neck is covered in hickies. Ooops.
21 hours ago