Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Sage Advice and Hickies

It has been 3 days since my last post, which I think is a record for me. I've gotten in the habit of posting every day or maybe missing just one day here or there. We had our first appointment with the therapist yesterday and my head has just been spinning ever since. I didn't really feel like posting last night and I am trying to force myself to take short breaks away from IF related activities off and on (per the therapist's advice). This doesn't mean I'm going to stop blogging or reading all of my fav blogs. It just means that I need to force myself to stay away for a night here and there. It is going to be difficult for me-yes, I'm addicted.

Don't get me wrong, the therapist did not at all discourage me from blogging. In fact, she encouraged it. It's just that we talked about balance and the fact that my life has had no balance for quite some time now because I've been consumed with treatments. Even if it is only for an hour at a time, it would be healthy if I could go for short periods of time without even thinking about this stuff. The therapist (okay, I really need to giver her a name-let's call her Sage), Sage, seems to think that my thoughts are in my control and I can avoid thinking about things if I force myself not to. Definitely easier said than done. One of her other suggestions was for B and I to plan to do some fun non-IF related activities that we normally don't do. Something fun. Taking the dogs for a walk, going hiking, going to a museum. Something that will help us focus on something other than IF while we are together.

Other than that, we talked about the difference between men and women and how we process things (women are the talkers, men are the fixers) and how we could try to communicate in a different way that would make us both feel better. I think Sage is on the right track with us and we've agreed to go see her once a week until we get through this next cycle-pass or fail. We'll see what happens then.

On a separate note, I need to explain myself a little. Nancy noted in her ColoBlogger post that I was really quiet at our meet up on Saturday and that I didn't take my scarf off the whole time. I know it probably comes as a shock after reading my blog, but I actually can be quite shy when in larger groups (more than 3 people) that I haven't met before. I tend to sit back and absorb until I get comfortable, but once I'm comfortable, watch out--it all comes flying out and you won't be able to shut me up! I've always been this way. I can remember as a little kid when we'd go to my grandparents' house with all the cousins how I would be really shy and hide behind my mom's legs. After awhile (an hour?) I would venture out and become a normal kid.

Saturday was a little strange for me because I feel like I know all of the ColoBlogger ladies so well. I know intimate details that some of them would never tell their best friends. And yet, meeting in person still brought out all that initial shyness in me. I'm also really conscious in group situations about letting other speak and trying not to interrupt. And honestly, part of my quietness on Saturday was fascination. Fascination that a group of women who are just meeting for the first time can be so open, laugh, provide support so quickly-just like that. And the time just flew by.

As for the scarf, well a lady never tells....

No, really. I was freezing all morning and I'm not much of a coffee or tea drinker, so the scarf truly was just keeping me warm. I do this all the time at work during the winter because my office is always freezing in the mornings. Now I'm wondering if people are walking around at work thinking my neck is covered in hickies. Ooops.


Lori said...

Sage sounds like a good nickname for her. I know I used to get very frustrated because Hubby and I processed things differently. It is so important to communicate well.

I enjoyed meeting you, Denise. You remind me of someone I like very much, so I transferred that onto you. There is a deep grace about you, and I didn't think you seemed shy at all.

From one cold girl to another...

nancy said...

I understand the quietness, I just wasn't expecting it. I felt like we had tons to talk about and when it didn't happen, I had to wonder why. Now that you've explained it - I understand. You didn't seem shy to me, just quiet. A listening, not a talker. Not that there was anything wrong with it if that's just the way you were. Wanted to be sure to mention that.

And i'm totally peaking under the scarf next time.

Angela said...

Denise, I am so glad you went to the appt. with your therapist. Funny, my husband and I did too just this week. And like Sage, my therapist told me to "stay off the Internet," other than blogging, and to enjoy non-IF activities.

It's good advice, but hard to follow.

I definitely think it is a great idea for you to post only when you feel like it or catch up on blogs when you are up for it. It gets so overwhelming sometimes to think about IF 24/7.

You are a really cool person and your strength during this time is an inspiration. Keep on moving forward, as much as you can.

And I checked out the post on your meeting; you are adorable! I am very shy too, but I handle that by talking TOO much when I meet someone.

Hang in there.

Maryanne said...

Denise - I wear a fleece 24/7 I almost year round if it makes you feel any better! I look forward to meeting you in person! What is your timeline for this cycle again - i start my estrogen patches today becasue the witch is finally here!

Mrs.X said...

I'm so glad that you had your first meeting with your therapist! I totally agree that you have to have a life outside of IF or it will consume you. I took sewing classes and it has been a life saver. Sewing has become very therapeutic for me and forces me to think about mundane things like, how am I going to make this? When I'm sewing, I also listen to podcasts which force me to focus on other things as well.

It's also really important to do this with your husband so that you can connect with each other on things other than IF. It's a great reminder that there was a time before this and there will be a time after this when it is not a big part of your life.

As for the hickies - I have that problem all the time. *snort*

Maria said...

Sage is so right about how men and women try to deal with things. Cole and I are the same way. I truly hope that meeting with her helps with this next cycle. Some of Sage's advice that you listed, like trying to do non-infertility things with DH and taking some time away from things that remind you of infertility, sound like things I need to start doing more often. So thanks for sharing!

LOL..."a girl never tells." Love it. Living in a colder climate myself, I tend to also keep my scarf on when I'm indoors. Just makes me feel more cozy.

M said...

I've been described as shy many times myself, so I can relate. I love to talk, but I think I just like to listen more. Anyway, I'm glad your appointment went well. I really think the trick to all of this is to not let it dominate your thoughts 100% of the time. It's so hard. I hope you and your hub are able to find a good outlet!

Io said...

Ha! I was wondering if you'd address Nancy talking about your hickeys! I feel you on the cold office thing though - sometimes I walk around my office with my coat on.
I am terribly jealous of all of you getting together - it sounds like it was amazing.
I think Sage has some...ready? wait for it....wait for it...sage advice (yukityyukyuk) - it's good to try and not think about IF all the time.

Jen said...

I've seen your neck before. It wasn't covered in hickeys! :)

I am glad though the therapy is going well. I'll have to usurp all her ideas without actually paying for the session.

Rhonda said...

I knew there were hickies - I just knew that B could not keep his hands off of you! ;-)

It sounds like Sage was a very good thing for both of you, but esp for you. I also believe that it is quite healthy for you to have other focus points in your life. I have also found myself a bit OC about checking your blog and when I have not checked for a 24 hour period I have withdrawls.

chicklet said...

I get like that too - quiet in big groups. It's hard sometimes warming up (not via the scarf) and getting comfy.

shinejil said...

I hear you on the blog addiction. I make myself stop after a certain period of time. I can't remember my blog password, and I only feel comfortable surfing IF sites when at home, so I often make myself leave the house to prevent too much online time. It's really hard, though.

I hope you have great time this weekend! There's nothing like some special time away.

As for the scarf, it sounds like a Euro-chic move to me. :)

Duck said...

I get the quietness, I'm the same, not a shy person. But in large groups the first few times I'm quiet until I get to know people, then look out.