I am trying to prepare myself for a negative. I know some people would say I should be thinking nothing but positive thoughts, what you receive is the energy you put out into the universe, blah, blah, blah. I just want to have plan B (well, we're really on around plan Q by now) in place in case. Something to focus on if this cycle ends up like every other cycle so far-in the trash. And I am thinking about this now so that I won't have to tomorrow. Tomorrow will be for grieving if that's what the universe has in store.
So here's my plan. For the next FET, I'm thinking of asking Dr. S if it makes sense to try a natural cycle. No Lu.pron suppression, which would mean the actual transfer date would depend on when I naturally ovulate. This protocol has some risk to it because if you miss ovulation (about 10% chance according to Dr. S) the transfer is cancelled because they don't know when you started producing progesterone on your own and, therefore, don't know when to do the transfer. It also makes it more difficult to schedule the transfer date (and give work notice to take a couple of days off for bed rest).
This would also mean going back to using ovulation predictor kits ("OPK") and dusting off my Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor ("CBEFM"). This would feel a bit like taking steps backward because these are the tools we used for timed intercourse before getting into ART. But, it would mean no Lu.pron which is definitely a positive.
My reasoning for wanting to try a natural cycle is to see what my lining does naturally on its own. If this FET fails, I will blame it completely on my lining. My retarded, anorexic, uncooperative lining (of course, I reserve the right to take back all of this name calling should this FET turn out successful). Back in the day before we saw an RE and I was going through testing with my OB, I had a great lining, cycle after cycle, until we introduced Clo.mid into the mix. It just seems that my lining doesn't like artificial hormones and medications. I must have a hippie lining-all natural, all organic, all the time.
Dr. S doesn't actually believe my lining can get thicker than an 8 on its own because this is the thickest measurement in my chart. I tried to tell him during FET #1 (which was cancelled) that I had documentation of thicker linings in cycles past where I was unmedicated. He scoffed at this idea because those measurements were done by my OB's office. He doesn't trust any measurements or tests performed by anyone other than his own U/S or lab technicians. While this is incredibly arrogant and self-important of him, it is also a trait that I think is good to have in an RE. I want my RE to have full confidence in his staff and to believe their training is the best. But with my experience a couple of weeks ago, I'm not so convinced the measurements by his U/S technicians are all that accurate either.
Anyway, I would be curious to see what actually happens with my lining when left to its own devices. The thing is, there are different protocols that go along with natural FET's that span all ends of the spectrum. From absolutely no hormones or medications, to everything except the Lu.pron (still doing the estrogen patches, PIO, baby aspiring, etc.). So again, there would be more decisions to make that likely requires yet another regroup appointment with Dr. S. I hate those regroup appointments. The inevitable "no, we don't know what happened." They never know.
So now you know what's going through my head today. Of course I'm still hoping that none of the above will come into play (at least not for another year or so) and I can move forward blissfully ignorant of natural FET cycles because my fully medicated FET cycle did the trick.
Scotland, Part Two
1 day ago