Monday, February 4, 2008

6 Days to Beta-Torn

If you haven't noticed, the POAS poll is neck and neck (and at the moment is tied) between the yes's and no's. Funny thing is, it reflects exactly how I feel. I desperately want to POAS and see those two lines, no matter how faint the second line might be. Even if it is too early or if it really is negative, I still want to POAS just so I would KNOW (even though I know it wouldn't necessarily be accurate).

And I equally desperately want to wait until beta on Sunday. I don't want to see the stark whiteness of the strip (for the thousandth time). I don't want to lose any hope. I want to hang onto this feeling of "maybe I'm pregnant!" forever because this is the closest we've ever come (as far as I know). I'm hating the PIO shots and what gets me through them is believing it isn't all for nothing. If I were to POAS and see a negative, it could crush that belief.

So you see, I am torn. For those of you who voted, please comment and let me know your vote and why you chose to vote that way. I need to see all viewpoints of this. Even if it is just gives me something to think about for the next 6 days!

15 comments:

M said...

I voted no--- along the lines of what you said, why not hold onto the positive feelings since a negative POAS could very well be wrong.

Lori said...

I feel unqualified to express an opinion, since I never got to that place.

But I have been meaning to tell you that I love the photos on your right sidebar.

I hope you see the lines...whenever you decide to POAS.

Meg said...

I voted no...

Once you get the two lines, your hopes and fears of this current unknown will change into something new. The hopes and fears you have right now are immense and wonderful and should not be over yet...as they would immediately be replaced by something new with the appearance of 2 lines...

If you tested tomorrow and it was negative - you just do not know, it could still be too early. If it was positive tomorrow the whirlwind of betas, fears, checking the undies, analyzing symptoms and a whole slew of stuff will begin.

I like to think the 2ww is a time for the little bean (or beans!) to quietly get comfortable without you knowing their plan quite yet....

How would "knowing" tomorrow change anything? I would let them get snuggled in.

Wait the 5 days. If you are pregnant you will have many more weeks of waiting. Once you are a mom, the waiting, worrying and hoping never end. I think you can hold out for 5 days....

chicklet said...

I always vote no to POAS because for me, I feel like I'll never believe the negative anyway. If it's negative, I'll feel like it's too early and maybe there's still a chance, except deep down I'll know it's probably over. And then I'm just sad sooner and longer. And it's gonna be what it'll be so why be sad longer? If it's positive, well then what if you worry it's a chemical pregnancy that won't last? I feel like you just can't win with sticks. Good luck.

Angela said...

Denise, I know how hard this is and I just want to let you know I am thinking of you and hoping that you will see your two lines very soon.

I too voted no on testing - primarily because of what I experienced with my first IVF cycle. I started testing 4dp5dt (or 9 days past ovulation). With each negative, I was in despair. Testing just stressed me out and did nothing to help me.

I look at it like this: by not testing, you will save yourself days of agony if you are pregnant because not every test shows positive. Even the "early" ones. And you can hold on to this feeling that you are pregnant and believe in that. My main concern is that it is just too early and I don't want you to be stressed if the test is negative - because it could easily be a false negative.

I so hope you get your two lines. I really, really do.

~Carrie said...

I actually went and changed my vote. I had voted yes, and I changed it to no. Here's why: At first, I thought POAS would be a good idea so you can keep yourself informed. If it is positive you get the bonus of being happy earlier, and if it is negative, since it is still early, I was thinking it wouldn't mean anything.

Then I thought back to every time I POAS early and saw a negative. (not saying you would absolutely see a negative if you tested) The negative always meant something. I never took the negative as 'Oh well, no early positive yet, this still doesn't change anything.' It changed everything! I became upset - it ruined my day(s) and my mood. It didn't make it any easier the day AF arrived (AF usually arrived the day before my beta so I always cancelled the beta). So, I was just miserable for a longer period of time.

Does my rambling make sense? Again, I am not saying you would get a negative is you tested - you may get a positive. I was going to POAS today and chickened out. I knew I would be devastated to see a negative, even though it is early, and decided it was worth giving up the possibility of seeing an early positive to avoid having my whole week ruined. I know exactly what you mean about wanting to know - I don't like having false hope, and I want to know yesterday what is going on. I decided to POAS the morning of my beta, if AF has not arrived. That way, I know a negative result is accurate and I won't totally lose it when they call me with the bad news.

Maria said...

I voted yes, but now I'm not so sure. I think that if you're going to poas, you could do it the morning of your beta, just to prepare yourself. But don't do it any earlier.

Io said...

I voted yes because *I* am impatient, not because it is necessarily the best thing for you. I think even if you do pee on a stick, you should wait a little longer.
BACK AWAY FROM THE PEESTICKS.

Duck said...

I voted no, don't do it, those pee sticks are evil, you are pg, and it may not show up, and just say your pregnant until other wise proven not pg.... that's my plan.
keep busy, read a book, I'm reading A Thousand Splendid Suns, by the author of the kite runner and it's great, totally occupying my mind.

Jen said...

I think Meg said it perfectly. Because I am in the p waiting phase now. And while its great where I am, the waiting still sucks.

Rhonda said...

Most importantly, i am no where qualified to answer this and my opinion is that of a friend that only wants happiness for you and B. I originally voted yes. My vote was based on knowing you and knowing that there is a bit of "control" in the POAS in having an answer before you get to beta to help manage your expectations. I now read what all of these folks write and I am going to change my vote to NO. There is a lot of insite in these comments from people that have had a shared experience. Meg, Angela, ~Carrie have very good points on the NO - if you are pg, the extra days of waiting are just that - a few extra days and you will have a lifetime of happy thoughts ahead of you. If it is the other, then prolong your sadness for just 5 days. You have made it this long and are far past the halfway point!

Hugs to you. I have been thinking about you, b, and the little ones non-stop since last week.

Melanie said...

There is no easy answer, but my vote was yes. I didn't POAS and found out about my negative in the RE's office and lost it. Sobbed. I couldn't leave the conference room until I contained myself, which took far too long. My feeling is that I don't want to be shell shocked again. Or if I am shell shocked, I want it to be good news after I prepared for the worst.

Either way, I'm wishing for two double lines for you; very pink; sort of a "ha ha world look what we've done!"

Supper said...

I am so desperate to know! I still vote no though for the reasons you mentioned....

Rebecca said...

I voted b/c I knew you could get false negatives, but at least I would know going into the test. Somehow I thought it would prepare me for what I would hear...sometimes it did, sometimes it didn't. It also made me feel like I had some control over the situation and I didn't just have to sit around waiting for someone else to tell me about my life - I'm a control freak! I also seem to be in the minority, but take it for what it's worth. Good luck in your quest!

Optimistic said...

I voted yes - because I did. I was so scared though and don't know what I would have done if it was BFN. I know you are going crazy at this point in the 2ww - hang in there and if you do poas, wait until the day of beta or night before. It might be too early.