Sunday, January 27, 2008

A Long, Long Day (and a long post)

Yesterday was a really long day. After our appointment, we stopped on the way home to eat breakfast, pretty much in silence. Afraid to be happy about moving forward, but not sure whether to be upset anymore. In a weird limbo of confusion. I kept thinking the nurse would call back and tell us the doc had changed her mind. When we got home, B started getting ready for the wedding and I decided to skip the ceremony to get some work done. He left for the ceremony and I worked until he got home.

I went upstairs to pull together everything we would need for the first PIO (progesterone in sesame oil) shot this morning. In doing so, I realized I wasn't sure which needle to use for the actual injection. There was one set of needles (already attached to syringes) that were labeled to draw up the oil. You were then supposed to remove that needle and attach a smaller (albeit still very long, large) needle. However, the only separate needles I had didn't match the size listed on our instruction sheet (even though they were labeled to inject PIO). And the only needles I had that were the right size were attached to syringes and meant to mix other medication (from my fresh cycle).

I immediately called the nurse to ask what to do. She told me that I could take the correct size needles off the syringes to use and that when I come in on Monday they can give me new needles. Apparently if I had used the separate needles that were labeled for injecting PIO, it would have been very difficult to get the thick oil out of the needle. Problem solved. I had completely forgotten that they were going to call with the results of the blood draw from the morning until she said they had the results back. My estrogen level was at 4,000! This sounded really high to me as it is approaching the level I had during my fresh cycle and my bout with OHSS (on its way up to a peak of 10,000). The nurse said she had left a message for the RE, but that she was sure he would still let me go through with the transfer.

I don't quite understand why it was so dangerous during my fresh cycle, but they aren't worried this go round? The nurse said it would be a problem if I were taking a trigger shot (HCG) to do a retrieval, but it shouldn't be an issue for just a transfer. What I didn't think about until after we hung up the phone was that HCG is the chemical your body produces when you get pregnant (this is the chemical that pregnancy tests measure). So I still have a nagging feeling I will get a call any minute to tell me the doc wants to cancel the cycle. It will be a miracle if we make it to transfer Tuesday without any additional scares.

Now to the wedding. The wedding was quite a reunion for us. We know the groom from the firm B and I both used to work at (and where we met 9 1/2 years ago) and many of the guests were also old coworkers. It was really fun to see people we hadn't seen in years. However (as the rest of you IF bloggers will relate to), when you are in your 30's and you see people you haven't seen in years, there are inevitably major life changes that you have missed. A marriage, a divorce, a pregnancy, a birth (or 2). The theme of last nights reunion was pregnancy. B warned me on the way there of one pregnancy. He did not, however, warn me of the second one he had just seen at the ceremony. And he didn't know about the third one because they weren't at the ceremony. These were just the people we know. There were at least 3 other very obviously pregnant women at this wedding reception along with a very newborn baby.

Among the questions/comments I got from these women (those who were pregnant and those with kids at home, some women who I know and others who I had just met):

1. Do you have kids? (No.) Enjoy it while you can!

Thanks. Yes, I'm really enjoying the heartache, mood swings, anger, frustration, shots, pills, suppositories and isolation of not having kids. Love it.

2. Did you know S is pregnant again? (No.) Did you know she got divorced? (No.) Huh. Well, she got divorced and now she's pregnant with #2 with her new boyfriend. She's really happy. (Good for her.)

This gem was shared with me by an old coworker who is currently 7 months pregnant with her second (yes, we've been lapped again) while she rubbed her pregnant belly.

3. Are you drinking water? You'd better stop unless you want to get pregnant! Look at all the pregnant women here! It must be in the water, just like it was last time S and I were both pregnant at the same time. (HaHa.)

Spoken by the same woman as number 2 above.

4. Oh, wasn't that weird when S and I were both pregnant and then M got pregnant too? Oh, doesn't M work at the same office as you again now? (Yes.)

Again, spoken by the same woman as number 2 and 3 above (this was my favorite conversation of the night--note sarcasm here). Fun factoid: when M got pregnant at the same time as this woman and S, it was her second child of a second father, neither of whom she married and she no longer speaks to either of the fathers (and one of them was in prison for awhile). Not to mention that everything this woman does screams of white trash. Life is SO fair.

On a positive note, the good thing about letting all of our closer friends know about what we are going through is that no one has to ask "so when are YOU GUYS having kids?" Word has slowly spread from our circle of close friends to our broader circle of friends we don't see too often. All of these people were very respectful and didn't even ask why I was drinking water all night. That was a relief. We did have one little mix up though.

When asked by various people why I wasn't at the ceremony, B had told one person that I was at a doctor's appointment (not sure why he didn't just tell the truth and tell her I was working). Her immediate response was, "on a Saturday? Is everything okay?" This person happens to be good friends with one of the groomsman (who was B's best man in our wedding). She apparently told him about this awkward conversation with B and so P (the groomsman) got concerned and came up to B at the reception to ask him if everything was alright.

Apparently B hadn't told P about our problems, which I found a little strange because he is one of B's closest friends. But he does live in another state and we only see him about once a year and I guess the topic just never came up (P is a single, gay man and so doesn't really ask those types of questions-how refreshing!). Anyway, at the end of the night as we were saying goodbye, P was pretty hammered, gave me a hug and a kiss and then looked at my face, down at my belly and back up at my face again. I'm pretty sure I know exactly what he was thinking and I wish we could have talked. He's always given me good advice and even though he can't relate to this problem, it felt wrong not to talk to him about it. Maybe next time.

It was past midnight by the time we got home and I was exhausted. We got up early this morning to do the first PIO shot and it went off without a hitch (this is the shot that goes all the way into the muscle in the upper buttock region). I have to say, B didn't seem nervous at all and just jabbed it in my rear all matter of fact like. He removed the needle and rubbed the spot for a bit and then I laid on a heating pad for about 10 minutes. So far no lump forming, but the muscle is already sore. These are gonna be fun.

Today I'm doing a ton of laundry and trying to clean up the house a bit to get ready for my bedrest this week. That's it for now. If you've made it through this whole post, thanks for sticking around!


Anonymous said...

Well if getting pregnant was as easy as drinking water, then we'd all be knocked up, eh? I had stupid comments like these.

Good luck with your transfer Tuesday!

Melanie said...

The beauty (and curse) of this is that you never know. You transfer a couple of perfect embryos into your perfect uterus yet nothing happens. Other times, the embryos are less than perfect (though hugely attractive still), your lining is less than perfect,your mood is foul, and the perfect thing happens...pregnancy. I want this to be that time for you.

Optimistic said...

I am praying that you get to transfer. Sorry but I have no idea about the levels, one thing I obsess about but really have no true facts :).

Lori said...

Yuk. Gatherings like this are so hard to get through intact.

Good luck on Tuesday.

Io said...

Oh, the joys of mini-reunions! I can feel you on that.
I'm sending good fluffy vibes your way.

Jen said...

I really really hope you make it to transfer.

And then at the next wedding you will have the lovely baby bump!

chicklet said...

I made it all the way through (the post) and I'm just sorry you had to have such a long day - some people have no clue how hard the things they ask can be and how much it can weigh on us. I'm thinking good thoughts for you, hoping this works out.

Rhonda said...

yesterday...long day and long night. way to hang in there. i shall think happy thoughts for you on tuesday, i hope this is the day!

InfertileMyrtle said...

I just found your blog from a different one.... I loved your most recent post- unfortunately could empathize well with it.
People are so damn insensitive.

Vanessa said...

I really dont understand why people cant be more sensitive. With IF becoming so much more common, Why cant society figure out that its not as easy as drinking the water. How frustrating! Your nicer then me, I would have told them all to go jump in a lake!

Duck said...

Weddings are brutal, but thankfully you have the right attitude, thanks for sharing, i go through this stuff all the time and it's nice to know i'm not alone.