As I think I've mentioned before, two women in my department at work are pregnant. On Monday an invitation came out inviting the whole department to a joint baby shower. It just so happened that the shower was scheduled on the morning I was originally supposed to go in for my U/S. Now that the U/S has been moved up to the 22nd, I'm stuck in a weird place. I know I can't handle going to this shower. Watching them open gifts, talk about nurseries, pregnancy symptoms, how big they are getting, and on and on and on. I can just see myself sitting through the shower with a smile pasted to my face and then retreating to my office and having to shut my office door for the rest of the day and try to stop the tears. But I obviously can't show up to work and NOT attend the shower (which will be in a conference room 2 doors down from my office).
It is not their fault that I have this problem. I should be a strong enough person to be happy for them. I shouldn't be this selfish. But I'm not strong enough and I am selfish. So there, I've said it. At this time, I'm already planning to claim I have a doctor's appointment (even if I don't) and will just come into work late that day. I can't believe that this is what it has come to. This is who I've become. Sad, but true.
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