Sunday, December 30, 2007

Misunderstood

Okay, so I want to clear something up here. I've been getting some comments from friends IRL who are assuming that I don't want to talk about what we are going through. They may think that this blog gives me a place to express my thoughts and that I don't want them to bother me about it IRL. They don't want to upset me by bringing it up. This assumption could not be more wrong. Maybe it is my fault for somehow giving people this impression, because it has been more than one person, but I don't know.

When I know someone is reading my blog (or at least knows about it because I specifically made a point to give them the url), but doesn't say anything to me, it just makes me wonder if they really do care enough to read it and if they are reading it, maybe they don't care enough to express their thoughts to me or are embarrassed or too busy, or have been abducted by aliens (I can think of a myriad of reasons in my head when I'm not given the actual reasons). I know not everyone will comment using this format and that is fine, I don't expect them to. But it is nice to know when I do talk to these people that they are reading, that they care, and a simple "how are things going with your cycle?" always does the trick. If I don't want to talk about it, I will let you know. If you know me at all, you know I would be honest about that. If I've made a point of telling you about our fertility issues, it means I value your friendship and trust you enough to lay it all out there. It means I WANT to talk to you about it.

This is not to say that many of our friends don't already do this on a daily basis. We do have very thoughtful friends who check in on us frequently, some of who have been through all of this before. And even some who have no idea what this is like who just always seem to find the perfect thing to say. The best feeling in the world is when someone who knows nothing about this goes and educates themselves on their own or asks you questions to show that they want to learn, want to understand. These people make you feel not so alone, justified in your quest to seek medical intervention, and supported like a great sports bra.

And in case this doesn't clear things up, please go read this post (which I also have a link to in my sidebar courtesy of Tertia).

7 comments:

Io said...

I know I'm not a friend irl, but I don't always comment on everyones blogs because I'm afraid what I have to say is completely inane. Most of the time I'm just like, "Yeah. I can dig it" and that is the extent of my thought process. By the way, you got me thinking a little so I just wrote about you posting.

Meg said...

You have discussed a difficult topic very well, Denise. I can only imagine how fine a line it is between silencing questions around you and poking to talk about it with you. I am hoping everyone is authentic and means well and I think this post will help tremendously!

jenna sais quoi said...

Thanks for posting this. What a great way to sum up the situation. I never would have found that post without you!

chicklet said...

Summed up well. It's hard when you share it and they still say nothing, it starts to make you question why you even shared...

Anonymous said...

i try to read everyday, to stay in the loop (for lack of a better description) and i have to say that i find this post quite on point and appreciate the perspective, since i probably don't bring things up out of fear/uncertainty/sensitivity (lack there of) of what to say on the matter. so...from a friend - thanks for the words and the other links as i find them interesting and educating.

The Town Criers said...

I also think you tackled this very well. It is a fine balance and I think the idea of asking and then leaving it open to whether or not you're up to talking about in the moment is perfect.

Maria said...

You put that pretty perfectly! I have given my blog to so many people close to me and so many have yet to tell me what they think or even tell me that they've read it. It definitely hurts, but I just consider it their problem and not mine. Or, at least, I try really hard not to dwell.

Happy New Year!!