I'm Still Here

No I haven't dropped off the face of the earth, just out of the blogosphere. This week has been hard. I dragged myself to work and home each day and that was about it. By the time I get home each night, I'm sick, sore and exhausted. I force myself to eat something and then head up to bed no later than 8pm each night. Doesn't leave much time for blogging or reading other blogs. Or for anything else. I didn't even pick up any of my P books this week at all because the thought of reading (whether on paper or the computer) just makes me more queasy. I haven't even been obsessively staring at our ultrasound pictures because it just reminds me of how sick I feel.

The good thing is that once I get food down, I manage to keep it down. Problem is, it is really hard to just get it down. Nothing ever sounds good to me and most things don't taste like they used to. One day this week it took me an hour to eat half a bagel. I've lost a little bit of weight instead of gaining and I just don't feel healthy. The nurse assured me not to worry about it and just eat what I can. I've also been told I can go back to light exercise, but I can't even imagine doing anything other than lying on the couch right now.

I know that I sound ungrateful. I've been feeling guilty for acting this way because we've finally accomplished what we've been working towards for over two years and all I can do is complain. What happened to happy and excited? All I can say is that I will get there. Even if I feel like this through the whole pregnancy (please, don't make me do that), once these babies are born, happy and excited (although still exhausted) will be my best friends. Someday. It just feels so far away right now.

On Thursday I went back to the clinic to get blood drawn after I had been completely off of the en.dometrin for two days. I walked out of the building into the bright morning sunshine and wondered if it would be the last time I ever stepped foot in that place. I was afraid to hope for that, like just thinking it would jinx everything. Later that afternoon, my nurse called to tell me that I've officially graduated. They have released me to the care of my OB.

She told me to make sure I bring the babies in to visit when they are born and I told her I would never do that. I've been in that waiting room too many times feeling sorry for myself and bitter when someone brings a baby or a kid into the building. I just don't feel that it is appropriate unless there is no other choice. We agreed to meet at Targ.et some time since it is babyland anyway. She also made me promise to shoot her an email every once in awhile and let her know how things are going. I have to say, although I won't miss that place at all, I will miss my nurse. It feels like we've been through a war together.

I am now completely off all medications other than the baby aspirin (which I'll stay on through the first trimester) and my prenatal vitamins (which have taken on a whole new level of gross lately). From all physical aspects, I'm just a normal pregnant lady now. It feels really weird to say that and it is still a bit hard to believe. It is also a bit intimidating to think of going back to my OB's office and sitting in the waiting room will all the oblivious, normal pregnant women. I don't know if I'll ever feel like I belong there. I have my first appointment there next Wednesday, although it is just with a nurse practitioner, so I'm not sure what all they will do. I will be just shy of 8 weeks at that point. I wonder if we'll get to hear the heartbeats? That would be cool.

To all my blogging friends, I'm sorry I've been absent this week. I'll try to do some catching up on the weekends if I can.
Hope you are all doing okay.