Saturday, May 17, 2008

Not Even My Own TMI

It was a tight race, but "Buns" is the winner by only one vote! Buns it is (I'm kind of sad for "Knickers" only getting the one vote because I thought it was cute and unique). At 7am on Memorial Day, we will get the first glimpse at Buns or the Buns, whichever it may be. Recent events have made it easy to forget how far away Memorial Day seems right now.

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I tried to get B to do a guest post, but he refused. It just feels weird to blog about someone else's bodily functions, but oh well. Even with starting stool softeners Monday and diligently taking fiber supplements since Wednesday afternoon, things just weren't "moving along." By Friday, the pain from B's surgery was essentially replaced with the pain of constipation. He didn't eat much yesterday and vomited twice (all liquid) and by the time I got home, he was lying in bed moaning in misery. It took me right back to after my first retrieval-I was SO miserable.

I started to worry about dehydration since he wasn't keeping water down and his urine was really dark. We ended up taking him to urgent care last night where he got a fun Friday night cocktail of an IV and an enema (ahhhh, memories). They gave him fluids and an anti-nausea medication through the IV and the enema worked wonders. This morning he was up and moving around pretty good and even accompanied me to the bank, to get a bagel and pick up the dogs from the kennel. It remains to be seen whether his digestive system will be back to normal now, but he is definitely much better than yesterday. The urgent care doc recommended magnesium citrate, but that seems to have just produced (or released?) a bunch of gas. Okay, done with the gross stuff now.

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Today at 2pm I did a little dance (okay, in my head I did a little dance) to celebrate being able to skip my afternoon end.ometrin. It was also nice to only put on one vi.velle patch this morning. Feels like we're making progress. I continue to experience just a slight undercurrent of queasiness, but it is manageable if I continue to eat and drink consistently. I'm also starting to feel a bit more tired but I think it is probably just from working full days again and then the drama of B's surgery this week. It has been a pretty exhausting week.

The girls are still big and sore, which doesn't really bother me, other than the fact that I can't wait to take my bra off by the end of the day. This isn't restricted to my bra though, I basically just want to strip all of my clothes off by the time I get into my car to drive home. Wouldn't that make for a fun show for my fellow rush hour drivers?

I have a bit of a confession to make. Last weekend, I went to the place that every infertile girl simultaneously lusts after and fears-the maternity store. Yup. At a measly 4w3d, I tried on some maternity clothes. I really went just to get belly bands because not one of my pairs of work pants button comfortably. This really started after retrieval, so I can't say I'm actually showing already, but it seems that the bloat just never went away. I felt really stupid even being in the store, not to mention trying clothes on. I did come out with a tank top and a sweater that don't really look maternity, and a shirt for work that does (this one will be in the closet for awhile).

What made the experience even more uncomfortable were the questions I got from the woman behind the register. She was very pregnant (maybe 8 months?) and immediately asked me when I was due. It felt really foolish to admit that I was only 4.5 weeks along and already shopping for maternity clothes. I mean, I'm sure that just by glancing through the window of the store I've completely jinxed everything, right? The last thing I wanted to mention the sleeping dragon and TALK about it.

So I just said "oh, not for a really, really long time." Unfortunately, that didn't stop the conversation. She went on and on about how it all goes quickly until you get to where she's at and then time just crawls. Then, in order to sign up to get all the free crap they send you, I had to give her my actual due date. "Wow, we're into January already?" Yeah, I felt like such an idiot. But I didn't want to pass on the free samples and coupons.

She asked if this was my first kid and chatted just like any normal fertile. I felt like such an impostor. I don't want to give you the wrong impression here. I am so grateful and excited to be where I am right now. But the thing is, I am realizing that I don't think I'll be able to fully relate to other pregnant women who got there the easy way. They just don't have the same fears and doubts that are always in the back of my mind. A lot are very ignorant of all that can go wrong and boy does the saying "ignorance is bliss" ring true with this.

To be honest, I haven't thought much about those nagging fears this week because we've been so busy. But I know those thoughts are there, just pushed behind everything else right now. And I don't really want to allow them to bubble to the surface.

12 comments:

Lori said...

Your poor B!

I hope you are both able to enjoy this nice weather. Wishing him normalness real soon.

Kudos to you for venturing into the maternity store. They should make the clerks go through infertility-sensitivity training before they can work there.

Duck said...

You imposter! Just kidding. Glad you went to the maternity store - i felt like that after my ivf cycle (couldn't button any thing up) and i wasn't even pg!

PJ said...

OK you've gotta go to the Redbook Infertility Diaries and read Jen's lastest post. It's all about loosing that ignorant bliss.

Glad B is on the mend.

Spicy Sister said...

Poor B!!! Sending him lots of get well vibes!

None of my regular pants or jeans are fitting right now either but I have not been brave enough to venture into the maternity store. You are a real woman of courage!!! Sorry it was so weird. I can relate, on so many levels. I am so envious of those lucky women who get pregnant right away and never even think about all the "what-ifs".....

Can also relate to the boobs thing....ow!

Rhonda said...

i am so sad for B, but glad to hear that he is on to healing and getting better! Now you guys can share in your memories! ;-)

What an adventure at the maternity store...

annacyclopedia said...

You brave girl! That is awesome that you went to the maternity store even though it felt awkward. There will likely be many of those imposter moments to come and it sounds like you handle this one with a fair bit of grace.

HeidiM said...

Hope B. feels better. I still get all kinds of pregnancy clothes catalogs from when I got subscriptions to Fit Pregnancy and Pregnancy magazines. And ya, I look at them sometimes before recycling them. Some of them have sexy clothes, my favorite is the t-shirt that says "does this baby make my butt look big?" (of course it's modeled by a super skinny chick!)

Shinejil said...

I hope B continues to feel better. Sometimes, it's enema or bust. Been there.

I'm glad we have a spy to inform us about the fertile world. Your disguise--being pgt--worked like a charm! :) Keep sending reports.

Alison said...

Poor hubby. Sounds down right horrible! I think it's so cute that you went to the store and I love that you were able to have a "normal" conversation with a non-IFer. I would imagine it makes you feel normal too. :)

s.e. said...

Keep pushing your nagging fears behind your reality of being pregnant. Memorial Day truly is not far away not matter how far it seems!

hoping for a child said...

i went to the maturity store too the other day to buy the belly band at someone's recommendation and i can totally relate...i felt like i was doing something wrong by walking in there. it was so exciting!

~Carrie said...

I hope B is feeling better.

It's good that you are able to keep those nagging fears at bay a bit. They're always there but it's better if they don't consume you. (I of course did not follow my own advice at all for the first 9 weeks)

I'm still too much of a woose into the maternity store even though I had to buy bigger pants about 2 hours after getting a positive beta.