Not Even My Own TMI

It was a tight race, but "Buns" is the winner by only one vote! Buns it is (I'm kind of sad for "Knickers" only getting the one vote because I thought it was cute and unique). At 7am on Memorial Day, we will get the first glimpse at Buns or the Buns, whichever it may be. Recent events have made it easy to forget how far away Memorial Day seems right now.

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I tried to get B to do a guest post, but he refused. It just feels weird to blog about someone else's bodily functions, but oh well. Even with starting stool softeners Monday and diligently taking fiber supplements since Wednesday afternoon, things just weren't "moving along." By Friday, the pain from B's surgery was essentially replaced with the pain of constipation. He didn't eat much yesterday and vomited twice (all liquid) and by the time I got home, he was lying in bed moaning in misery. It took me right back to after my first retrieval-I was SO miserable.

I started to worry about dehydration since he wasn't keeping water down and his urine was really dark. We ended up taking him to urgent care last night where he got a fun Friday night cocktail of an IV and an enema (ahhhh, memories). They gave him fluids and an anti-nausea medication through the IV and the enema worked wonders. This morning he was up and moving around pretty good and even accompanied me to the bank, to get a bagel and pick up the dogs from the kennel. It remains to be seen whether his digestive system will be back to normal now, but he is definitely much better than yesterday. The urgent care doc recommended magnesium citrate, but that seems to have just produced (or released?) a bunch of gas. Okay, done with the gross stuff now.

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Today at 2pm I did a little dance (okay, in my head I did a little dance) to celebrate being able to skip my afternoon end.ometrin. It was also nice to only put on one vi.velle patch this morning. Feels like we're making progress. I continue to experience just a slight undercurrent of queasiness, but it is manageable if I continue to eat and drink consistently. I'm also starting to feel a bit more tired but I think it is probably just from working full days again and then the drama of B's surgery this week. It has been a pretty exhausting week.

The girls are still big and sore, which doesn't really bother me, other than the fact that I can't wait to take my bra off by the end of the day. This isn't restricted to my bra though, I basically just want to strip all of my clothes off by the time I get into my car to drive home. Wouldn't that make for a fun show for my fellow rush hour drivers?

I have a bit of a confession to make. Last weekend, I went to the place that every infertile girl simultaneously lusts after and fears-the maternity store. Yup. At a measly 4w3d, I tried on some maternity clothes. I really went just to get belly bands because not one of my pairs of work pants button comfortably. This really started after retrieval, so I can't say I'm actually showing already, but it seems that the bloat just never went away. I felt really stupid even being in the store, not to mention trying clothes on. I did come out with a tank top and a sweater that don't really look maternity, and a shirt for work that does (this one will be in the closet for awhile).

What made the experience even more uncomfortable were the questions I got from the woman behind the register. She was very pregnant (maybe 8 months?) and immediately asked me when I was due. It felt really foolish to admit that I was only 4.5 weeks along and already shopping for maternity clothes. I mean, I'm sure that just by glancing through the window of the store I've completely jinxed everything, right? The last thing I wanted to mention the sleeping dragon and TALK about it.

So I just said "oh, not for a really, really long time." Unfortunately, that didn't stop the conversation. She went on and on about how it all goes quickly until you get to where she's at and then time just crawls. Then, in order to sign up to get all the free crap they send you, I had to give her my actual due date. "Wow, we're into January already?" Yeah, I felt like such an idiot. But I didn't want to pass on the free samples and coupons.

She asked if this was my first kid and chatted just like any normal fertile. I felt like such an impostor. I don't want to give you the wrong impression here. I am so grateful and excited to be where I am right now. But the thing is, I am realizing that I don't think I'll be able to fully relate to other pregnant women who got there the easy way. They just don't have the same fears and doubts that are always in the back of my mind. A lot are very ignorant of all that can go wrong and boy does the saying "ignorance is bliss" ring true with this.

To be honest, I haven't thought much about those nagging fears this week because we've been so busy. But I know those thoughts are there, just pushed behind everything else right now. And I don't really want to allow them to bubble to the surface.