Why is it that things always seem worse at night? In the dark. Darkness has a way of making the most uneventful thing seem meaningful. As kids we are afraid of the dark because we can't see what might be lurking there. In the closet. Under the bed. Maybe this irrational fear lingers in our adult selves in a different way. Bad things always seem to happen at night. Problems seem worse at night. Sickness feels worse. Doubts feel heavier.
Late this afternoon I noticed some spotting. Red. Just a little bit. Accompanied by lower back ache eerily similar to AF cramping. I spoke with the nurse, knowing that it was probably not a big concern and could even be a (good sign-shhhh). The nurse confirmed my initial reaction and said that red, pink, brown, it was okay and nothing to worry about at this point unless it got to the point where I felt like I needed a pad. I wasn't even going to post about it because, honestly, I didn't want to jinx anything in case it was a sign of implantation. There. I've let the cat out of the bag.
But as I've sat on the couch all evening, feeling the cramping still lingering and religiously checking the toilet paper every time I pee (and I pee a lot from drinking so much these days), I'm feeling the panic start to rise. The red turned to pink, but there is definitely more of it. Not enough to require a full pad, but definitely enough to warrant a panty liner. How much is too much to be considered implantation bleeding?
I'm not asking this to get superficial reassurances, I really want to know. What else could it be? Would it even be possible to be starting a period this soon after transfer (3dp5dt) while on 3 prom.etrium per day? I know I'm just freaking out because the darkness has settled in for the night. But it is truly disconcerting. I just want it to go away. Make the scary monster go away.
Scotland, Part Two
1 day ago