Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Nervous Nelly

The nerves really kicked in last night. I started worrying about how our embies are doing. This is the first opportunity we've had to see if they will grow past Day 2. I know we are lucky to have 14 to work with, but I still can't help but worry. Apparently that is just my nature (or so B tells me).

We've been here once before, heading into a transfer. In fact only 6 weeks ago. I'm taking comfort in the fact that we are trying something new, so I have hope the outcome will be different. But there is that tiny voice in my head that worries that the day will come when there is nothing new to try. It is a thought that I keep trying to push far, far away.

This cycle has been exhausting. Every cycle has been a roller coaster of hope and disappointment, but it seems like each roller coaster has higher peaks and valleys than the previous one. I've never been afraid of heights. I actually like them. So I'd rather keep the peaks and avoid the valleys. At least when the valleys are so far down that I can't feel the sun.

And because this is my 100th post, wouldn't it be great if today was the turning point?

Today's tune is one of hope.

In keeping with today's tune, here is a picture to match.

15 comments:

shinejil said...

My thoughts are with you today, Denise. May everything go smoothly, and may you get a glimpse of that beautiful rainbow very soon.

Mrs.X said...

I hope everything works out today - you are in my thoughts!

annacyclopedia said...

I'm hoping and praying that today is the turning point for you. May your worries be balanced with powerful hope and a feeling of well-being.

Jen said...

I am crossing everything for you! Good luck!

Io said...

I hope everything goes well - I'll be thinking of you! I love the way that rainbow seems to just be pushing through. Good picture for today.

Ahuva Batya said...

I'm thinking of you, Denise, and admire your sense of hope and purpose; you picked yourself up after such a terrible disappointment just weeks ago, instead of giving up. I hope this is your turning point, and the rainbow gives good luck.

Lori said...

Fingers crossed, Nelly.

Happy centipostary!

I *heart* IZ.

InfertileMyrtle said...

I love your blog.. you always make me feel positive! The pic is gorgeous, and im sending you lots of good luck vibes :)

Spicy Sister said...

I am hoping so hard for you. I hope this is IT, I hope you feel peace, I hope you find your rainbow soon! Don't forget to breathe!

Big hugs!!!

Meg said...

So your song is the song I made sure to play in my car once daily with each pregnancy. I was determined to make it their song and imagined it playing often in the nursery....Now it is a bit tough to hear. But I truly love the song.....I heard it driving on the coast of Oahu the first time in 2004.

I am thinking about you and hope all goes smoothly. Here's to only the peaks of the coaster ride this time....I have such goosebumps for you this week!

Meg said...

Sorry, that was kind of a Debby Downer post on my part.

I am seriously so thrilled for you and am thinking such positive thoughts for you! This song is very hopeful.....

Soon enough, you will find a place where trouble melts like lemon drops!

Waiting said...

Keep holding onto that hope and know that you've got a team of fellow bloggers thinking and hoping for you.

Super O said...

Good luck with your transfer tomorrow! I didn't find anything about my embies from Day 2 until right before my transfer. I know how nerve wracking that can be. Sounds like everything is falling in place, so I'm sure it will all be good!

Alison said...

I have to say that reading your post along with the song you choose made my eyes well up. I am so hoping for you this cycle. A rainbow... God's promise. Beautiful.

Maryanne said...

My hopes are that at the end of that beautiful rainbow sits your long awaited treasure. I hope all went well today!