The Smell of Memory (and 24w2d)

You know how smell is so strongly linked to memory? A single whiff of a certain smell can bring back a day 10 years ago with such clarity you feel like you're there. I had one of those moments this morning. Although the memory isn't from nearly that long ago and it isn't one specific memory, but rather an entire section of time in my life.

I woke up this morning fresh from a dream of spotting. In my dream, I was spotting pink and waiting for a call back from the OB. I was worried, close to panic. I was also supposed to go perform a floor routine in a gymnastics meet and my old coach was annoyed with me for delaying. I could see the red starting to creep up his neck. I was trying to explain to him how NOT RIGHT spotting is at 24 weeks into a pregnancy. In the (no) logic of dreams, it didn't seem to matter that I was going to tumble while 24 weeks pregnant. Go figure.

When I woke up, I ran (okay, waddled) to the bathroom and was relieved to find NO spotting whatsoever. I went back to sleep for a couple of minutes and B woke me up with donuts and juice in bed. Do I have the best husband or what? This completely rid my mind of the lingering disturbance of my dream. I ate, showered and got dressed in the slow, clumsy fashion that is my reality these days.

As I put my watch and rings on, I casually grabbed a bottle of scented lotion on the dresser and rubbed the lotion on my hands. And immediately, it felt like I should be doing a shot of Me.nopur, or feeling the stick of a PIO shot. I guess I haven't opened that lotion in at least 4 or 5 months. The smell immediately brought back the FEELING and EMOTION of dealing with all of the shots and disappointments of the past 2.5 years. I looked down at my ever-expanding waistline and my brain tried to meld my realities together. The reality of the past pain and disappointment, the reality of my current fear and excitement, and the reality of these two lives that we are already so attached to and how close they are to joining our family. There must have been a crack in the space-time continuum (yes, I'm a child of the 80's).

Do you ever have a smell or an object bring a rush of memory to the surface? Does that memory linger with you or are you able to brush it off?

I think I'm going to go wash my hands.



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Week 24 belly shots below. Sorry for the belly bra, but once it is on for the day, it doesn't come off until the evening.

Latest Glamour Shots

Here are the latest pix of Apple and Banana.  The one of Banana came out great, but they had trouble getting a good shot of Apple's face because she was facing my back and her brother's butt was in the way.  At one point we did see one of the babies rubbing their eyes.  B thought it was Apple, but I thought it was Banana.  Either way, it was really cute!

24 Week Update

Doctor's appointment today went well. The following info will probably be really boring for a lot of you, but I want to continue to document the details for myself.

• Apple (girl) now weighs 1 pound 4 ounces and is measuring around 23w1d.  She is still head down and was pretty calm again today, her heart rate at 130.  We were told this is typical of Baby A because they are lower and have less room to move around.
• Banana (boy) now weighs 1 pound 3 ounces and is measuring around 23w3d.  At the beginning of the scan, he was also head down, but by the end had flipped all the way around and was breach, with his butt bumping up against Apple's face again.  He was squirmy and really active again, his heart rate at 148.  I suspect that is one of his body parts bumping up against my sternum tonight making it difficult to breathe.
• Since I'm at 23w4d today, they are happy with where both babies are measuring which is on track even for singletons.
• Both placentas still look good and both babies have normal amounts of fluid.
• My cervix is holding nice and long at 6.
• My blood pressure is still low at 124/64.
• My belly is measuring about 27.5 or 28cm now.
• No sugar in my urine or any sign of infection.

I now go in to see the OB every 2 weeks, but continue on the every 4 week schedule for ultrasounds.  At my next OB appointment in 2 weeks, they'll do the glucose screen (drink icky syrupy liquid and get blood drawn an hour later).  If I pass the screen, I'm in the clear for gestational diabetes.  If not, they'll have me do the big scary glucose tolerance test at the next appointment (fast, drink much more icky syrupy liquid and get blood drawn one, two and three hours later).  If that comes back with bad results, it's off to the dietitian.  Hopefully I'll pass the screen with flying colors and be able to mark that milestone off the list.

The OB we met with today mentioned that she prefers that all of her twin patients get epidurals even if attempting a vaginal delivery.  Her reasoning was that if they end up having to do an emergency c-section (usually because baby B isn't cooperating), you are all ready for it and they shouldn't have to knock you out for the c-section.  If I was on the fence at all (which I kind of was) about wanting to try natural versus getting an epidural, I think she may have just nudged me to one side and convinced me to get one.

The doc confirmed that I should get a flu shot (in case any of you were wondering).  She also confirmed that taking Tyl.enol pm EVERY single night is not a problem.  This is a good thing because it has really been helping.  Even just taking half the normal adult dosage is working for me.  I will also stay on the baby aspirin even through delivery as she said the dosage is too low to affect clotting, etc. during delivery.

So, the only real issue I seem to have now are the contractions/cramps I've been having.  They aren't real contractions because they are fairly localized (not the entire abdomen) and sometimes just brought on by the babies moving around.  But they are still disconcerting.  Half the time it will be just on one side.  I'll notice the muscle tightening and look down and my belly is all lopsided and rock hard on one side.  Freaky.  The doc did caution me that if I start noticing a pattern to them or if I notice more than 4 in an hour, to call them.

We also talked about the ECP (evil crotch pain) and back pain and she said if massage doesn't help, we can always try physical therapy.  She also mentioned that I might want to start thinking about cutting back my hours at work soon.  Given what is going on at work right now, I think I'll likely wait for a couple of weeks and see how I do.  I think my first step would be to approach my boss about working from home in the afternoons (maybe after 2pm each day).  We'll see.

So all is well on the baby front.  We did get some more ultrasound pictures today, but I'm too exhausted to hook my laptop up to the scanner right now, so I'll try to scan and post them later in the week.  Sorry to be a tease, but seriously, the scanner is like 10 feet away and my butt is PLANTED on the couch!

23w2d

This was one long week. We had people from around the world in town for a week-long conference. Monday through Wednesday afternoon were spent in a hotel downtown sitting through presentation after presentation. Some of it was focused on soft skills, other pieces were technical. And because of my current work situation, instead of sitting through all of the presentations and just listening, I also had to present a couple myself (which I just found out about the week before). Others had months to prepare for their presentations and I found myself presenting topics that someone else had prepared the slides for. Not the ideal situation. It was also the first time I've spoken in front of that big of a crowd (70 people) and had to use a microphone. All in all, it went off swimmingly. During the first presentation, I must have been nervous because Apple and Banana were kicking up a storm. It was a little distracting!

We started each morning at 7:30am or 8:00am depending on the day. Monday night was a mandatory dinner. Tuesday night was a Rockies game (which I skipped). I was pretty sore all week and it was difficult to sit in those hotel conference chairs all day long. On Tuesday, they found me a "more comfortable" chair. It was more cushioned, but deep and the back leaned back pretty far. Not the most comfortable thing for a short person to sit in, but I didn't want to complain after they went to the trouble to find something more comfortable for me.

Wednesday afternoon around 3pm, we all headed up to Vail for the rest of the week. I drove myself so I would have total control over when I left Friday and wouldn't have to go back into town since I live on the West side of town. By the time I checked into the hotel Wednesday and got settled, I had about 20 minutes to rest before it was time for dinner. Dinner was just a 5 minute walk (for a normal person) in the village, but it took me about 15 minutes to get there and I was exhausted, huffing and puffing the whole way. I definitely noticed a difference with the change in altitude. Dinner didn't end until about 9:30pm and then I had to walk back to the hotel. The village is all cobblestone and, while it is beautiful, it is pedestrian only, so there was no option to drive or take a cab.

I slept horribly Wednesday night. While everyone else thought the beds were supremely comfortable, it felt like I was sleeping on concrete. I tossed and turned all night and woke up sore. Thursday was another day of presentations and break-out groups until around 3pm. At that point, we met to kick off the team building activity. It was a pseudo amazing race where teams had to complete different challenges around town. I knew I wouldn't be up to running around Vail with a team, so I settled for sitting at one of the stations and watching all of the teams come through. Unfortunately, as soon as I got in the car with the coordinators, my boss called and asked if I could join a conference call. So they dropped me back off at the hotel and I spent the rest of the afternoon in my boss's room on conference calls. Dinner was another lengthy affair that lasted until 9:30pm.

I didn't sleep well again and by yesterday morning, I was ready for the week to be over. We had one more presentation from 8 to 9am and then it was back to my boss's room for another conference call. I was excused from the call 10 minutes early so that I could go get my massage. In the meantime I accidentally locked myself out of my room and had to lug all of my work stuff down to the spa with me. My massage was at 11am and I had to be on another call at 1pm. The massage itself was nice. They had one of those cool pregnancy cushion contraptions with pieces that move around to accommodate lying on your back, side or stomach (with cut outs for the belly and boobs). The cushion was really comfortable. But of course, it was hard to relax and calm my brain down in between phone calls and a hectic day.

Without all of the actual work going on, the idea was that you get your massage and then go eat a leisurely lunch with others in Vail and hang out for a couple of hours enjoying the scenery before heading home. No such luck for me. I didn't want to sit at the hotel for the 1pm call because I didn't know how long it would last and I knew I would have work to do after the call. So after my massage, I rushed to pack up, check out and was on the road by 12:30pm. The call lasted until 2:30pm, 15 minutes past when I got home. I then spent the rest of the day working from home and finally stopped around 5pm.

I slept pretty good last night back in my own bed with the proper configuration of pillows and our 4-inch memory foam pad. I really missed my bed. Today we are trying to make final paint decisions for the dining room, master bedroom, and the niche in the family room. I'm expecting a call from the painter this week to let us know he's ready to start. We also have a vet appointment for Scout today (just normal routine exam and shots). I haven't seen our vet since I got pregnant, so I'm going to go with B today when he takes Scout in. We absolutely love our vet and she's gonna freak when she sees me!

For your viewing pleasure, below are this weeks belly shots in addition to a shot of the stroller and car seats that B put together last weekend. Enjoy.

Bad Blogger

More like bad blog reader and commenter. I hope to catch up this weekend. Left the house at 7am yesterday and got home at 9pm. Today, I left at 6:45am and was home in time for dinner, but all I could do was lie on the couch. And I need to pack still. Heading up to Vail tomorrow through Friday and I won't even have a computer with me. Hope you are all having a decent week!

Are You Ready for Some Football?

Football season is now officially in full swing. It is cloudy and cool here today, which makes it feel even more like football season. And B is making chile for dinner. Nothing like curling up on the couch in sweats with no make-up for the day. The only draw back is that I'm uncomfortable in my own skin! Can't sit in one position for longer than 10 minutes to save my life. Oh well. My little occupants are just as squirmy this morning!

We went to dinner last night at this place. It was my first time there after hearing people just rave about the place. Everything we had was really good, but I didn't eat much of my entree. I must have filled up on the bread, appetizers and gazpacho. I'm not usually one for cold soup, but the gazpacho was really tasty.

Did anyone watch SN.L last night? Tin.a Fe.y was hilarious as SP! It is such a perfect fit. I wonder if she has been automatically imitating her since Mc.Cain's announcement? Or if she just had to study her mannerisms this week. Either way, it was great! Even the accent. Is it just me, or does SP sound a bit like she's from Minnesota?

One more week until the next ultrasound. I have this irrational (at least I hope it's irrational) fear that I'm only feeling one move and the other one is in trouble. Why do these thoughts keep creeping into my head? I keep trying to push them away as soon as they pop up, but the thoughts still come back. I wish I had better control of my own brain.

Oh yeah, and my pre.natal crad.le came on Thursday last week. I L.O.V.E. it. It has definitely helped with the soreness and I'm walking much better now. It does kind of look like a weird contraption, but it is mostly hidden under clothes (other than the straps at the top that tend to peek out of my shirts. There is one other version that is *more* supportive, but it looks like a jock strap was added on to the original. It might have helped more with the pelvic pain (or evil crotch pain, as Nancy calls it), but it just freaked me out.

Here is the latest belly shot as of yesterday, which was 22w2d. I've got the cradle on in the pictures and I was sportin my Illini orange yesterday. For some reason the shots are a little fuzzy when I use the timer on the camera and the lighting is funky. Oh well.

What's Next?

Pelvic pain, I wanna quit you.

I feel bruised all the time from my tailbone to my pubic bone with the hips in between. Was I in a car accident that I don't remember? Depending on the chair I sit in, chairs can either be fine, or really, really uncomfortable. Standing up after sitting for awhile is painful. Walking is getting harder. I'm starting to feel a little ridiculous. Is it really supposed to be like this at 22 weeks? I remember reading in the multiples books that you should expect to stop working at 24 weeks and I thought that was ridiculous! Now, I get it. Unfortunately, I don't think I can do that.

The latest development is a work issue. My immediate boss quit this week and I've been asked to take on his responsibilities "in the interim." Meaning that they might look for outside talent to bring in above me unless I prove in the next month or so that I can handle the position. It is a great opportunity, but talk about bad timing. While I'm confident I can handle the job, it seems that I HAVE to be in the office to prove it. I hate writing here about work because I'm always worried someone will find my blog. Not that I ever say anything bad about it, but it just makes me nervous. But this is really a big issue for me now and I'm worried my body isn't going to hold out physically long enough for me to prove myself in this new position. I've already been in significantly more pain this week than I was last week.

I keep trying to tell myself that all the pelvic pain is a good sign. It means my body is doing what it is supposed to do with all the joints relaxing, right? But the purpose of this is to prepare for birth and I really don't need that to happen for quite awhile (please).

On top of all the changes at work, we have a week long global conference next week where all of the folks from our department around the world will be in town. Pretty much every second of the week is scheduled out for some type of meeting or discussion, so it's going to be exhausting. The only light at the end of the tunnel is that we go up to Vail Wednesday afternoon, stay in a nice resort for the rest of the meetings, and I will be getting another massage on Friday morning at the resort. Yay! I keep thinking about that massage and just hoping I don't collapse from exhaustion before then.

We did order a glider yesterday, so that is a big relief to have another big ticket item out of the way. We also had a meeting with our first pediatrician candidate tonight. We really liked him and he had all the right answers to my questions. We have one other practice picked out to meet with before we make our decision. The other one is really close to the house (5 minutes instead of 15), so if we like that one just as much, we'll probably go with the closer practice for the sake of convenience.

My twin nursing pillow came Monday and hopefully my pren.atal cr.adle will show up by Friday. I hope it fits because I really need to start using it now. Oh, and I had lunch with a woman at work who is a twin, and her twin sister had twins. The woman has a 3 year old herself and has used a nanny since her kid was born. Got some good information from her about nannies, being a working mom specifically at our company, and about raising twins. None of it was earth shattering, but just encouraging.

So we still have two major decisions to take care of. First, finding a doula. Second, deciding on the daycare versus nanny issue. I think I'll feel better after those things are decided.

Two more days until this work week is over. I have never appreciated weekends so much in my life!

21w3d

I need to take a moment to apologize to my readers who are still in the throes of treatment, or adoption, or living childfree. I can't seem to help myself, but every single post these days is about this pregnancy. Surely there must be something else going on in this head of mine, right? Nope. Other than the election (which I won't discuss in this forum), all I think about these days are Apple and Banana and how to get through the next 15-19 weeks with some kind of semblance of grace.

I was talking to a friend of mine at lunch on Friday (hi C!) and we were talking about the anxiety and fear involved in a pregnancy where it was so difficult to get there or where you've suffered previous losses. I keep thinking that once I hit a certain milestone, I'll be able to relax and just enjoy going forward. But when I reach every one of those milestones, there are more milestones ahead to focus on and I just worry about the next thing.

My latest paranoia is about pre-term labor. I can't help but pause whenever I feel a painless contraction come on. It took me awhile to realize what that tightening was, but I'm convinced they are contractions. Normal contractions. As my doctor said, the uterus is a muscle and it is going to contract whether from activity, dehydration, or just doing nothing. The key is to notice whether there is a pattern, if you have more than 5 in an hour and if it is accompanied by lower back pain, etc. In the multiples book I read, it says starting at 20 weeks you should lay down for 1 hour a day and monitor for contractions. I finally decided to do this today and wouldn't you know, I didn't detect even one contraction for that hour. But, as soon as I got up to get a snack and started moving around a bit more, there it was. Not painful, but still noticeable.

So this will be my new obsession until my next OB appointment in two weeks. Thankfully, I start seeing the OB every two weeks after this appointment, so no more 4 week stretches of wondering if everything is okay. As I was lying in bed last night waiting for the Ty.lenol pm to kick in, I was thinking about how if I'm not careful, I will make myself crazy with anxiety over the next couple of months. Let's face it, the issues I'm having now with shortness of breath, fatigue, and pelvic pain are not going to go away. Most likely they will get worse.

Side note to my family: I don't want you to worry about me. If there were really a reason to worry, you would know. This is just my place to vent my fears and anxieties and I don't want to deprive myself of that freedom because I worry that you will worry.

I was talking to our neighbor that lives behind us today after not having seen her in a long time. I had forgotten that she is a nurse and she told me today that she is a lactation specialist and teaches breastfeeding classes. She offered herself up anytime I have questions. It is really nice to know that there is someone right there if I run into any issues, breastfeeding or otherwise. Yes, I know there are other resources for this, but how convenient to have a nurse living right behind us! And she was really excited to hear we're expecting twins since she is a twin herself (and her twin sister happens to share my name).

Today we picked up the converter rails and toddler guard rails for the cribs as they had finally arrived at the store. We purchased car seats and the s.nap n go stroller. And I ordered a pr.enatal cr.adle online. It is a support belt for pregnant bellies that has straps that go over the shoulders. I had no idea what size to order, so I hope it fits. And the twin nursing pillow I ordered should be here this week. So things are moving along on the gear front.

Here are my 21w3d belly shots for your viewing pleasure. The belly is starting to take up more room in the picture!

In Which I Complain Some More

Just when I think I'm getting used to my new reality, something new pops up. Yesterday the pelvic pain started. I have nothing to compare it to. It is connected to my hips, but now the pain is around my whole pelvis. The tyl.enol pm is helping me sleep, but I'm starting to move slower now because of this new development. Getting in and out of the car is more difficult. Stairs are more difficult. Getting my legs in and out of pants is more difficult.

I bought a couple of new maternity pants for work last weekend, but of course they need to be shortened (even the short length is too long). I took them to get altered today which meant having to put each pair on to get the pinned. It seemed like it took forever. The other frustrating thing is that I swear they are starting to feel tight already. I bought them A WEEK AGO for fuck's sake. I/the babies must have had a growth spurt this week. That explains the new pain and tight clothes. I seriously don't have the energy to keep buying new clothes every other week. This is ridiculous.

On the plus side, I think we've decided on a glider. No stores around us have this particular one in stock, but they have similar ones from the same brand and they seem comfortable and not too deep (important to short girls who want to be able to reach the floor). It seems like it should be wide enough to cuddle with two babies and has all the bells and whistles I want (swivel, glider, recliner, gliding ottoman with nursing foot rest). So we need to order it. It is pricey, but if it lasts as long as it's supposed to, it will be worth it.

I also ordered a twin nursing pillow this week, but it hasn't come yet. Hopefully I'll get a lot of use out of it.

I can feel Apple and Banana moving each and every day now. They tend to move around more right after I eat. Sometimes I giggle when I feel them moving because it is just so strange! I love it! I'm guessing this will be the one thing I miss about being pregnant after they're born.

That's all for now. New belly pic tomorrow if I can get my pelvis off the couch.

*Edited to Add:*

Just found this link talking about pelvic pain in pregnancy. This does a much better job of describing it:

"The symptoms of SPD vary from person to person, but almost all women who have it experience substantial pubic pain. Tenderness and pain down low in the front is common, but often this pain feels as if it's inside. The pubic area is generally very tender to the touch; many moms find it painful when the doctor or midwife pushes down on the pubic bone while measuring the uterus (fundal height).

Any activity that involves lifting one leg at a time or parting the legs tends to be particularly painful. Lifting the leg to put on clothes, getting out of a car, bending over, sitting down or getting up, walking up stairs, standing on one leg, lifting heavy objects, and walking in general tend to be difficult at times. Many women report that moving or turning over in bed is especially excruciating."

Sweet Druggy Dreams

Is this shitty week almost over? Turns out I feel like crap when I don't sleep (like my all-nighters in public accounting didn't teach me that lesson years ago). Ty.lenol PM might just be my new best friend.

20w4d

Latest belly shots below. We've had a busy weekend, although it wasn't all that productive.

On Friday, we opened the front door to 4 matching packages! They were 4, yes 4, of the bouncy chairs we had on our registry. We registered for 2 of them and both my brother and SIL, and B's sisters ordered 2 on the same day! We decided to keep two and take two back for store credit. If Apple and Banana like the chairs, we thought we'd go back after they're born and buy two more so that we have two upstairs and two downstairs. My brother and SIL also gave us a swing to use. The baby gear is slowly starting to appear in the house!

Friday night we had two fantasy football drafts going on at the same time (one with family, one with friends). It was a little crazy with 8 guys sitting at the dining room table dealing with their draft and B running back and forth between the dining room and the kitchen where I was sitting with the other computer to consult on picks for the family draft. But we managed. And we were pleasantly surprised with our wireless high speed internet capabilities since we had 8 computers hooked up at once. We've never had more than 3 in the house at a time and so didn't really know if it could handle a lot more.

Saturday was my mommy-to-be pampering day. I got a haircut and a prenatal massage and it was pure bliss. I feel much freer now with most of my hair chopped off and the massage was great. She started me on one side, with towels propped under my belly for support and a foam block to rest the top leg on. She worked on my back, neck, shoulders, hips and then I flipped over to the other side for more of the same. Then she had me on my back (with a towel under one hip) and worked on my feet and legs. She kind of grabbed each leg and moved it around the loosen up the hip joint. Then she moved on to the hands and arms and finally to the neck and scalp. Ahhh. Wish I could do that every weekend.

On Sunday, we tried to shop for gliders again, but all three stores we tried were either closed for the day, for the holiday, or for good. Looks like we have to wait until next weekend. Sunday night we met some friends for a gluttonous 3-hour fondue meal. I'm still drooling and thinking about the dessert course...

On Thursday, I hit 20 weeks, the half way mark for a full term singleton pregnancy. Given that twins usually come early (I think I read average is 36 weeks), I'm more than halfway there. Yippee!

I continue to feel more and more like time is slipping through my fingers and I can't seem to get much done. We did get an estimate from a painter last week to paint the nursery, our bedroom, and the dining room, which we've been meaning to do for awhile. Now we have a couple of weeks to finalize our paint choices before he starts. We are definitely going with solid walls for the nursery, but not sure if we've decided which colors on which walls and what to do with the ceiling. I'm still leaning towards the green on opposing walls, yellow on opposing walls, and blue on the ceiling, but I'm having trouble picturing it. I'm actually really looking forward to getting our bedroom painted. It has a tray ceiling and some architectural details that a good paint job could really show off. The room has felt unfinished to me since we moved in and I'm anxious to see if my vision looks as good in person as it does in my head.

If I end up delivering at 36 weeks, that puts us at mid-December (3 1/2 months from now). Doesn't seem like much time to get all of our to-do list done. I'm definitely starting to tire more easily. One trip out for the day and I really slow down. It doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping well. I still wake up about every two hours from a throbbing hip and the extra strength tyl.enol doesn't seem to do much. I gave in and took bena.dryl last night. Usually if I need a little allergy help or some extra help sleeping, I'll take a half because a full one just knocks me out. I took a full one before bed last night and it definitely still drugged me up, but I managed to still wake up, notice a throbbing hip, and roll over to the other side every couple of hours. I think I was able to fall back asleep faster though, so it did help a little. I just can't take it every night because it makes me SO groggy in the morning.

On the plus side, I'm feeling Apple and/or Banana move on a daily basis now. Usually if I sit down in a reclining position, one or both of them will start squirming around. I can't tell the difference between them yet and because Banana was so active at our last scan, I keep assuming it's him moving around. But I'm sure it is both of them. It is really weird when it happens when I'm around other people because I get so distracted and can't focus on anything else but what's going on in there. I try to picture what they are doing. Was that a foot? An elbow? A stretch? It is so incredibly cool, but I completely lose track of what is going on around me!

Even with all of this going on, I am still surprised when I see myself in the mirror. My god, I'm PREGNANT! It still seems weird to me and I'm not sure it will ever seem natural. Does it look like there's a basketball in my belly?