I need to take a moment to apologize to my readers who are still in the throes of treatment, or adoption, or living childfree. I can't seem to help myself, but every single post these days is about this pregnancy. Surely there must be something else going on in this head of mine, right? Nope. Other than the election (which I won't discuss in this forum), all I think about these days are Apple and Banana and how to get through the next 15-19 weeks with some kind of semblance of grace.
I was talking to a friend of mine at lunch on Friday (hi C!) and we were talking about the anxiety and fear involved in a pregnancy where it was so difficult to get there or where you've suffered previous losses. I keep thinking that once I hit a certain milestone, I'll be able to relax and just enjoy going forward. But when I reach every one of those milestones, there are more milestones ahead to focus on and I just worry about the next thing.
My latest paranoia is about pre-term labor. I can't help but pause whenever I feel a painless contraction come on. It took me awhile to realize what that tightening was, but I'm convinced they are contractions. Normal contractions. As my doctor said, the uterus is a muscle and it is going to contract whether from activity, dehydration, or just doing nothing. The key is to notice whether there is a pattern, if you have more than 5 in an hour and if it is accompanied by lower back pain, etc. In the multiples book I read, it says starting at 20 weeks you should lay down for 1 hour a day and monitor for contractions. I finally decided to do this today and wouldn't you know, I didn't detect even one contraction for that hour. But, as soon as I got up to get a snack and started moving around a bit more, there it was. Not painful, but still noticeable.
So this will be my new obsession until my next OB appointment in two weeks. Thankfully, I start seeing the OB every two weeks after this appointment, so no more 4 week stretches of wondering if everything is okay. As I was lying in bed last night waiting for the Ty.lenol pm to kick in, I was thinking about how if I'm not careful, I will make myself crazy with anxiety over the next couple of months. Let's face it, the issues I'm having now with shortness of breath, fatigue, and pelvic pain are not going to go away. Most likely they will get worse.
Side note to my family: I don't want you to worry about me. If there were really a reason to worry, you would know. This is just my place to vent my fears and anxieties and I don't want to deprive myself of that freedom because I worry that you will worry.
I was talking to our neighbor that lives behind us today after not having seen her in a long time. I had forgotten that she is a nurse and she told me today that she is a lactation specialist and teaches breastfeeding classes. She offered herself up anytime I have questions. It is really nice to know that there is someone right there if I run into any issues, breastfeeding or otherwise. Yes, I know there are other resources for this, but how convenient to have a nurse living right behind us! And she was really excited to hear we're expecting twins since she is a twin herself (and her twin sister happens to share my name).
Today we picked up the converter rails and toddler guard rails for the cribs as they had finally arrived at the store. We purchased car seats and the s.nap n go stroller. And I ordered a pr.enatal cr.adle online. It is a support belt for pregnant bellies that has straps that go over the shoulders. I had no idea what size to order, so I hope it fits. And the twin nursing pillow I ordered should be here this week. So things are moving along on the gear front.
Here are my 21w3d belly shots for your viewing pleasure. The belly is starting to take up more room in the picture!