Friday, August 1, 2008

What's in a Name-Part 1

I've been thinking a lot about the name of my blog lately. I think it is a reflection on how I've felt through this whole journey. I was terrified that the journey wouldn't end in children, but at the same time I was convinced that the next thing WOULD work. I started this blog right after my first IVF turned into a freeze all (after trying the old fashioned way and numerous IUI's failed). I was so incredibly down and angry and didn't have a clue what to do with those feelings. But at the same time, I was convinced that those 18 embryos on ice, our "Freezer Buns," would be my salvation. It never occurred to me (at least on the surface) that we would end up thawing all of the embryos and still not get pregnant. Or maybe this was just denial or wishful thinking.

Now that I find myself in that blissful (and still terrifying) place of obtaining the elusive pregnancy, it bothers me that my blog is still called "Freezer Buns." These two buns that I'm growing right now were never frozen and so the blog name doesn't seem a proper tribute to them and their resiliency. But at the same time, it is a tribute to what it took to get here. A tribute to those 18 that perished in addition to the numerous others that were either never fertilized or didn't implant before them. I'm also somewhat attached to the name of my blog as it is just as much a part of my identity at this point as my own name.

So I'm at a cross roads. Do I continue to blog on Freezer Buns and ignore the now irrelevant name? Although I suppose it isn't completely irrelevant since we do still have 9 new embryos on ice. Do I close up shop on this blog (still leave it up for posterity) and create a new one to document the rest of this pregnancy and our life parenting after infertility? I also worry about when Apple and Banana are born and I want to post pictures and tell stories as they get older. I don't want their lives completely out there for the whole world to see without their permission, but I do want our families and friends to be able to keep in touch with our lives through this medium.

I guess what I'm saying is that at some point I will likely start a new blog to document our lives as parents. Once we step over that threshold and it is no longer just our lives I'm putting out there, I would feel more comfortable moving to a password protected blog. I have mixed feelings about password protected blogs. I've tried to keep up with those blogs that I follow once they go password protected, but I find it difficult because they don't play well with goog.le reader. Without notification that a new post is up, I have trouble remembering to go check on them. I never intend to stop reading or to read less frequently and I feel bad about it, but there it is.

I don't know at what point I will switch over to our new online home, but my guess is that it will be shortly after Apple and Banana are born. I don't want to switch over yet because this blog has already turned into a pregnancy blog and I would like to keep all the pregnancy posts in one place. And then it would be cruel to leave my readers hanging without posting something of a birth story and baby pictures at the end. But at that point, I think we'll change homes and start a new blog. I'll be sure to offer up invitations to those of you who have read for awhile and commented. I feel safe inviting you into our new home having read your stories as well. And obviously those of you who know us in person will also get invitations.

Just something I've been thinking about.

New belly shot and recap of our week to follow tomorrow (hopefully).


Spicy Sister said...

I've been thinking of this a lot too....and I think I will likely do the same thing, switch to a different blog once the Poblano is born. I thought about changing the name to "Spicy Mama" or something like that. It does feel like there needs to be that point of transition to something new.

Can't wait to see the new belly pics!!!

Rebecca said...

I'm going to do the same thing...don't you wish they had something like cyclesista that was for pregnant women who had gone through IF? I just feel that we're not the same as other women and I haven't been able to really get into other blogs where they haven't had any issues. I feel that these issues will make us the mothers that we are meant to be and shouldn't be forgotten just because we finally got pregnant...maybe I'm reading too much into this!

momofonefornow said...

I think that makes perfect sense. The bottom line is that IFer's that become parents get stuck in a very strange place. You don't fit in with those that can conceive at the drop of a hat because you are permanently scarred by your IF experience but you don't fit in with the IFer's anymore because you have what they want so desperately. If you go password protected than you keep your babies safe and it allows those IFer's that are still hurting too much to have an "out" of sorts.

Can't wait to see the belly pics!

HeidiM said...

Makes sense to me to protect the privacy of your children.

I go back and forth between (a) wanting to share my story with the public, hoping that my readers are really just a small community of people who are going through similar things, but knowing that some readers could be wackadoos, and (b) wanting to keep my private stuff totally private, but knowing that I'd sacrifice both the possibility of helping others and the joy of being supported by others.

It's a tough call but where children are involved it seems an easier decision. We all want your babies to be safe, now and always.

Rhonda said...

i look forward to the next round of belly pix!
talk soon,

Amy said...

A new blog for a new place in life...seems appropriate. Hopefully, I'll still be able to follow your journey!

Casey said...

If you use Wordpress the readers atleast won't have to enter their username and password each time like with blogger. I have a friend with a private wordpress blog and it's nice to just have it in my favorites and just click on it w/o having to type in my ID and password each time. Just a thought!