Okay, so now it's time to get out of my comfort zone and tell you all a bit about myself and my thoughts on what we have been through and will eventually go through. In terms of how Denise currently feels, it is real hard for me to have absolutely no control over this and even worse to not be able to help. Of course, I have been to the store 100 times and have tried to come up with items I think will help her. You see, I love to cook. Always have. Growing up I used to watch cooking shows with my dad and I come from a family where the men always cooked (as did the women). As soon as you walk into my grandparents house there is always a huge cheeses and salami platter waiting for you and my grandma would undoubtably have something on the stove and would insist that you have some. I guess it is just the way my family has always tried to comfort people. So for me to not be able to do this is just a little weird. I know Denise has written that I have been taking care of the household for the most part these last few weeks but I really don't mind. Actually, it is a way for me to contribute and help so it makes me feel good.
I guess I should have put this at the top but let me also say that I am so very excited about our "Buns". It been kind of weird really. I'm not scared at all (although I am sure that emotion will show itself eventually). I'm just real excited and want them to be here already. I think I will be a good dad and look forward to doing all those "dad things". Of course I have gone into responsible adult mode. I have contacted our life insurance agent and am currently upping the premium on myself (I guess I should watch my back when Denise has some of her mood swings). I have talked with some friends about creating a will, have been reading up on first time dad stuff, have tried to stop spending money on frivolous items, and have even decided not to get a new car until the Buns arrive and we see what type of new car they will want.
For now I am just trying to absorb the experience. One good thing is that Denise's parents live close by and all I know is that things would be impossible without them. We had an ultrasound the other day and Denise's mom was with us. I have to say, one of the coolest thing I have seen in a very long time was the look on my mother-in-law's face as the ultrasound tech was showing us both Buns. Denise and I have discussed this many times and we feel it is important to have them involved as much as they want to be (both before the birth and after). While my family is just as excited for us they don't live close by and we therefore lean on her parents. I grew up with all of my family living within a few blocks of each other and we always seemed to congregate at my grandparents house. I guess I was just hoping to give my kids that same experience (although my in-laws are probably locking their doors as they are reading this).
I actually can't wait to pick out all of the baby stuff. We have been to various baby stores a few times and there are so many cool things you can get. However, it kind of a double edged sword. Yah, there is a lot of cool thing out there but in this day and age there is also information overload on how to raise a kid. It's almost comical. If I were to believe everything I would think you could only take children outside once every 6 weeks when the moon is not full and the day of the week doesn't end in a "Y". I mean, look at me. I have sucked on my fair share of lead paint growing up and I turned out fine (that point is left open to debate).
Anyway, I apologize for my thoughts being so disorganized. I am obviously not the skilled writer that my wife is. I may appear from time to time depending on how Denise feels. Hopefully she will feel up to posting soon and you will not have to put up with any more of my rants.
Again, thanks to all of you. Your support has meant a great deal to both of us.