What's Next?

Pelvic pain, I wanna quit you.

I feel bruised all the time from my tailbone to my pubic bone with the hips in between. Was I in a car accident that I don't remember? Depending on the chair I sit in, chairs can either be fine, or really, really uncomfortable. Standing up after sitting for awhile is painful. Walking is getting harder. I'm starting to feel a little ridiculous. Is it really supposed to be like this at 22 weeks? I remember reading in the multiples books that you should expect to stop working at 24 weeks and I thought that was ridiculous! Now, I get it. Unfortunately, I don't think I can do that.

The latest development is a work issue. My immediate boss quit this week and I've been asked to take on his responsibilities "in the interim." Meaning that they might look for outside talent to bring in above me unless I prove in the next month or so that I can handle the position. It is a great opportunity, but talk about bad timing. While I'm confident I can handle the job, it seems that I HAVE to be in the office to prove it. I hate writing here about work because I'm always worried someone will find my blog. Not that I ever say anything bad about it, but it just makes me nervous. But this is really a big issue for me now and I'm worried my body isn't going to hold out physically long enough for me to prove myself in this new position. I've already been in significantly more pain this week than I was last week.

I keep trying to tell myself that all the pelvic pain is a good sign. It means my body is doing what it is supposed to do with all the joints relaxing, right? But the purpose of this is to prepare for birth and I really don't need that to happen for quite awhile (please).

On top of all the changes at work, we have a week long global conference next week where all of the folks from our department around the world will be in town. Pretty much every second of the week is scheduled out for some type of meeting or discussion, so it's going to be exhausting. The only light at the end of the tunnel is that we go up to Vail Wednesday afternoon, stay in a nice resort for the rest of the meetings, and I will be getting another massage on Friday morning at the resort. Yay! I keep thinking about that massage and just hoping I don't collapse from exhaustion before then.

We did order a glider yesterday, so that is a big relief to have another big ticket item out of the way. We also had a meeting with our first pediatrician candidate tonight. We really liked him and he had all the right answers to my questions. We have one other practice picked out to meet with before we make our decision. The other one is really close to the house (5 minutes instead of 15), so if we like that one just as much, we'll probably go with the closer practice for the sake of convenience.

My twin nursing pillow came Monday and hopefully my pren.atal cr.adle will show up by Friday. I hope it fits because I really need to start using it now. Oh, and I had lunch with a woman at work who is a twin, and her twin sister had twins. The woman has a 3 year old herself and has used a nanny since her kid was born. Got some good information from her about nannies, being a working mom specifically at our company, and about raising twins. None of it was earth shattering, but just encouraging.

So we still have two major decisions to take care of. First, finding a doula. Second, deciding on the daycare versus nanny issue. I think I'll feel better after those things are decided.

Two more days until this work week is over. I have never appreciated weekends so much in my life!

21w3d

I need to take a moment to apologize to my readers who are still in the throes of treatment, or adoption, or living childfree. I can't seem to help myself, but every single post these days is about this pregnancy. Surely there must be something else going on in this head of mine, right? Nope. Other than the election (which I won't discuss in this forum), all I think about these days are Apple and Banana and how to get through the next 15-19 weeks with some kind of semblance of grace.

I was talking to a friend of mine at lunch on Friday (hi C!) and we were talking about the anxiety and fear involved in a pregnancy where it was so difficult to get there or where you've suffered previous losses. I keep thinking that once I hit a certain milestone, I'll be able to relax and just enjoy going forward. But when I reach every one of those milestones, there are more milestones ahead to focus on and I just worry about the next thing.

My latest paranoia is about pre-term labor. I can't help but pause whenever I feel a painless contraction come on. It took me awhile to realize what that tightening was, but I'm convinced they are contractions. Normal contractions. As my doctor said, the uterus is a muscle and it is going to contract whether from activity, dehydration, or just doing nothing. The key is to notice whether there is a pattern, if you have more than 5 in an hour and if it is accompanied by lower back pain, etc. In the multiples book I read, it says starting at 20 weeks you should lay down for 1 hour a day and monitor for contractions. I finally decided to do this today and wouldn't you know, I didn't detect even one contraction for that hour. But, as soon as I got up to get a snack and started moving around a bit more, there it was. Not painful, but still noticeable.

So this will be my new obsession until my next OB appointment in two weeks. Thankfully, I start seeing the OB every two weeks after this appointment, so no more 4 week stretches of wondering if everything is okay. As I was lying in bed last night waiting for the Ty.lenol pm to kick in, I was thinking about how if I'm not careful, I will make myself crazy with anxiety over the next couple of months. Let's face it, the issues I'm having now with shortness of breath, fatigue, and pelvic pain are not going to go away. Most likely they will get worse.

Side note to my family: I don't want you to worry about me. If there were really a reason to worry, you would know. This is just my place to vent my fears and anxieties and I don't want to deprive myself of that freedom because I worry that you will worry.

I was talking to our neighbor that lives behind us today after not having seen her in a long time. I had forgotten that she is a nurse and she told me today that she is a lactation specialist and teaches breastfeeding classes. She offered herself up anytime I have questions. It is really nice to know that there is someone right there if I run into any issues, breastfeeding or otherwise. Yes, I know there are other resources for this, but how convenient to have a nurse living right behind us! And she was really excited to hear we're expecting twins since she is a twin herself (and her twin sister happens to share my name).

Today we picked up the converter rails and toddler guard rails for the cribs as they had finally arrived at the store. We purchased car seats and the s.nap n go stroller. And I ordered a pr.enatal cr.adle online. It is a support belt for pregnant bellies that has straps that go over the shoulders. I had no idea what size to order, so I hope it fits. And the twin nursing pillow I ordered should be here this week. So things are moving along on the gear front.

Here are my 21w3d belly shots for your viewing pleasure. The belly is starting to take up more room in the picture!

In Which I Complain Some More

Just when I think I'm getting used to my new reality, something new pops up. Yesterday the pelvic pain started. I have nothing to compare it to. It is connected to my hips, but now the pain is around my whole pelvis. The tyl.enol pm is helping me sleep, but I'm starting to move slower now because of this new development. Getting in and out of the car is more difficult. Stairs are more difficult. Getting my legs in and out of pants is more difficult.

I bought a couple of new maternity pants for work last weekend, but of course they need to be shortened (even the short length is too long). I took them to get altered today which meant having to put each pair on to get the pinned. It seemed like it took forever. The other frustrating thing is that I swear they are starting to feel tight already. I bought them A WEEK AGO for fuck's sake. I/the babies must have had a growth spurt this week. That explains the new pain and tight clothes. I seriously don't have the energy to keep buying new clothes every other week. This is ridiculous.

On the plus side, I think we've decided on a glider. No stores around us have this particular one in stock, but they have similar ones from the same brand and they seem comfortable and not too deep (important to short girls who want to be able to reach the floor). It seems like it should be wide enough to cuddle with two babies and has all the bells and whistles I want (swivel, glider, recliner, gliding ottoman with nursing foot rest). So we need to order it. It is pricey, but if it lasts as long as it's supposed to, it will be worth it.

I also ordered a twin nursing pillow this week, but it hasn't come yet. Hopefully I'll get a lot of use out of it.

I can feel Apple and Banana moving each and every day now. They tend to move around more right after I eat. Sometimes I giggle when I feel them moving because it is just so strange! I love it! I'm guessing this will be the one thing I miss about being pregnant after they're born.

That's all for now. New belly pic tomorrow if I can get my pelvis off the couch.

*Edited to Add:*

Just found this link talking about pelvic pain in pregnancy. This does a much better job of describing it:

"The symptoms of SPD vary from person to person, but almost all women who have it experience substantial pubic pain. Tenderness and pain down low in the front is common, but often this pain feels as if it's inside. The pubic area is generally very tender to the touch; many moms find it painful when the doctor or midwife pushes down on the pubic bone while measuring the uterus (fundal height).

Any activity that involves lifting one leg at a time or parting the legs tends to be particularly painful. Lifting the leg to put on clothes, getting out of a car, bending over, sitting down or getting up, walking up stairs, standing on one leg, lifting heavy objects, and walking in general tend to be difficult at times. Many women report that moving or turning over in bed is especially excruciating."

Sweet Druggy Dreams

Is this shitty week almost over? Turns out I feel like crap when I don't sleep (like my all-nighters in public accounting didn't teach me that lesson years ago). Ty.lenol PM might just be my new best friend.

20w4d

Latest belly shots below. We've had a busy weekend, although it wasn't all that productive.

On Friday, we opened the front door to 4 matching packages! They were 4, yes 4, of the bouncy chairs we had on our registry. We registered for 2 of them and both my brother and SIL, and B's sisters ordered 2 on the same day! We decided to keep two and take two back for store credit. If Apple and Banana like the chairs, we thought we'd go back after they're born and buy two more so that we have two upstairs and two downstairs. My brother and SIL also gave us a swing to use. The baby gear is slowly starting to appear in the house!

Friday night we had two fantasy football drafts going on at the same time (one with family, one with friends). It was a little crazy with 8 guys sitting at the dining room table dealing with their draft and B running back and forth between the dining room and the kitchen where I was sitting with the other computer to consult on picks for the family draft. But we managed. And we were pleasantly surprised with our wireless high speed internet capabilities since we had 8 computers hooked up at once. We've never had more than 3 in the house at a time and so didn't really know if it could handle a lot more.

Saturday was my mommy-to-be pampering day. I got a haircut and a prenatal massage and it was pure bliss. I feel much freer now with most of my hair chopped off and the massage was great. She started me on one side, with towels propped under my belly for support and a foam block to rest the top leg on. She worked on my back, neck, shoulders, hips and then I flipped over to the other side for more of the same. Then she had me on my back (with a towel under one hip) and worked on my feet and legs. She kind of grabbed each leg and moved it around the loosen up the hip joint. Then she moved on to the hands and arms and finally to the neck and scalp. Ahhh. Wish I could do that every weekend.

On Sunday, we tried to shop for gliders again, but all three stores we tried were either closed for the day, for the holiday, or for good. Looks like we have to wait until next weekend. Sunday night we met some friends for a gluttonous 3-hour fondue meal. I'm still drooling and thinking about the dessert course...

On Thursday, I hit 20 weeks, the half way mark for a full term singleton pregnancy. Given that twins usually come early (I think I read average is 36 weeks), I'm more than halfway there. Yippee!

I continue to feel more and more like time is slipping through my fingers and I can't seem to get much done. We did get an estimate from a painter last week to paint the nursery, our bedroom, and the dining room, which we've been meaning to do for awhile. Now we have a couple of weeks to finalize our paint choices before he starts. We are definitely going with solid walls for the nursery, but not sure if we've decided which colors on which walls and what to do with the ceiling. I'm still leaning towards the green on opposing walls, yellow on opposing walls, and blue on the ceiling, but I'm having trouble picturing it. I'm actually really looking forward to getting our bedroom painted. It has a tray ceiling and some architectural details that a good paint job could really show off. The room has felt unfinished to me since we moved in and I'm anxious to see if my vision looks as good in person as it does in my head.

If I end up delivering at 36 weeks, that puts us at mid-December (3 1/2 months from now). Doesn't seem like much time to get all of our to-do list done. I'm definitely starting to tire more easily. One trip out for the day and I really slow down. It doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping well. I still wake up about every two hours from a throbbing hip and the extra strength tyl.enol doesn't seem to do much. I gave in and took bena.dryl last night. Usually if I need a little allergy help or some extra help sleeping, I'll take a half because a full one just knocks me out. I took a full one before bed last night and it definitely still drugged me up, but I managed to still wake up, notice a throbbing hip, and roll over to the other side every couple of hours. I think I was able to fall back asleep faster though, so it did help a little. I just can't take it every night because it makes me SO groggy in the morning.

On the plus side, I'm feeling Apple and/or Banana move on a daily basis now. Usually if I sit down in a reclining position, one or both of them will start squirming around. I can't tell the difference between them yet and because Banana was so active at our last scan, I keep assuming it's him moving around. But I'm sure it is both of them. It is really weird when it happens when I'm around other people because I get so distracted and can't focus on anything else but what's going on in there. I try to picture what they are doing. Was that a foot? An elbow? A stretch? It is so incredibly cool, but I completely lose track of what is going on around me!

Even with all of this going on, I am still surprised when I see myself in the mirror. My god, I'm PREGNANT! It still seems weird to me and I'm not sure it will ever seem natural. Does it look like there's a basketball in my belly?