Thursday, July 24, 2008

Doppler Mania

That's right.  Posting two days in a row!  Maybe I'll actually be back to my old blogging self soon.  I have officially begun my self-imposed 4 day weekend.  I was trying to save up vacation time for when the buns come, but I decided that I need a little mini-break for my own sanity.  I don't know if it's the hormones or completely justified, but I find myself overly frustrated at work lately.  So a break seemed like a good idea.

On to the doppler.  I bought a cheap one made in China after reading Spicy's post.  I mean, who can resist a pink plastic doppler?  I decided to splurge and order the version with the lcd screen where the heart rate would show.  Upon opening the package, I was relieved to find that there were instructions that appeared to be in English.  That's right, appeared to be in English.

When trying to put the batteries in, here are the instructions I read:

Build in Battery
  1. Use pollex backwards to undraw the battery (what's a pollex?)
  2. Swith away the battery cover (I might start using this phrase, it seems whimsical, "swith away!")
  3. Build in the battery according anode and eathode with batter AAA
  4. Up with the battery cover
Number 4 is my favorite.  Except I picture a superhero in a cape pointing to the sky "UP with the battery cover!!!"

Fortunately, I still have enough brain cells left to figure out how to put the batteries in.  Next came trying to actually work the doppler.

Operation Procedure
  1. Indicator light No. 3 is shining when open the volume button LCD screen state hint area show digitalls1
  2. Apply coupling gel to unit probe as shown in diagram (this sentence is actually coherent, although they could have used a term other than "coupling"-there will be no coupling going on between me and my doppler)
  3. Make the probe stick to the belly.  Move it slowly, until hear the fetal.
The directions then go on to advise on listening to music (yes, it plays music! why would you want anything to get in the way of hearing the heart beat?), and recording as follows:

Soft music was stored in instrument, first open volume on-off knob, press function key, LCD screen state hint area show digital is 2, and play the soft music at the same time; once again press function key, then LCD screen state hint area show digital is 3, and enter fetal heart demonstration state at the same time, instrument play standard fetal heartbeat sounds of clinic record;  Thirdly time press function key, LCD screen state hint area show digital is 4, instrument enter preparation of fetal heart recording state, press recording key, the instrument begin record fetal heartbeat sounds and hold itself in the machine inner part; once again press function key, LCD screen state hint area show digital is 1, instrument return to fetal heart monitoring state.

Computer Recording:

We will be able to record the fetal heartbeat sounds by computer (we will?), keep it for memory, operation step as blows (okay maybe this part is my favorite, "as blows" hee hee!):
  1. First, put a head of route that the random machine provides to headphones socket of instrument, another head of route is jointed to microphone of computer, careless contection (what the heck is a "careless contection?").
  2. Install related software of recording in the computer, open software interface of recording
  3. Find fetal heart, point the computer software and start recording sounds when you listen clear of fetal heart sounds.
Does anyone speak this language?  Because it sure doesn't sound like English to me.  Actually, it sounds like some kind of robot English that a faulty voice recognition software made up.

We have been able to find the babies heart beats (we think we found both, but it is a little difficult to tell). The sound is way inferior than the doppler at my OB's office, but that's to be expected for a cheap toy like this.  It did take awhile the first time.  I'm proud to say that we've only used it once the night it arrived on Tuesday.  I will probably pull it out again tonight though.  Although I consider myself a relatively smart person, I really don't think I'll be able to figure out the recording function.  No "recording software" came with the doppler, so I'm not really sure how this is supposed to work.  Maybe I'll just connect it to the computer, press buttons and see what happens!

I'll be sure to update if I figure it out.  Let me know if any of you speak or read robot English and can translate for me!


Antigone said...

And on that note, I'm going to try to get mine to pick up the heart. I got really frustrated and vowed to wait until I was further along.

PJ said...

I think I see the battery cover flying over my house now. LOL!

Um... my guess is that someone without a good grasp of english wrote that.

Still though, when we get that far I will totally want one!

Enjoy your weekend!

nancy said...

Looks like someone relied on altavista translations. When I would get bored at work, years ago, we used to cut and paste an article in english, translate to Chinese, then translate back to English. Funniest freaking results. Pretty much exactly like your instructions!

Maria said...

LMAO, "robot English!!"

I hope you're enjoying your mini-break!

Shinejil said...

Great swithing pollexes!