Actually, the ultrasound is for B. After all of the ultrasounds I've had over the past 2 years, we just figured it was his turn. But really, we think he has a hernia. Yes, a hernia, that most likely would require surgery. So we wait for the results of the ultrasound and for his doctor to call and then refer him to a specialist. And in the meantime, we are left to wonder how this little glitch in our plans will affect this cycle. It all depends on if B needs surgery and the timing of it all.
So of the million things racing through my head now, here are just a couple: If he has the surgery before my retrieval, will he be healed enough to "perform?" Will the surgery itself impair his ability to donate because they accidentally cut a tube (this is one of the risks of the surgery)? If he waits to have the surgery, will he be in pain for the next month? If we have him donate a sample ahead of time and have them freeze it, will this compromise our chance of success? Will we have to postpone another cycle and wait another month?
The problem with all of these questions is that they can't even be discussed until we have confirmation of the diagnosis and an idea of timing. And I am to start Lu.pron next Thursday which means I need my meds ordered NOW. So I guess I'll be getting my meds regardless of whether or not we move forward with this cycle. We will do what is best for B's health first of course. I just can't help but worry that this is going to derail our cycle before we even get started.
Not that this is my only worry. I am a bit worried about this new protocol. I confirmed that the 75u of Gon.al F is 1/2 the dosage they started me on last time. I hope it is the right dosage for me. I am paranoid that my lining will not cooperate. Just because it was good during the last fresh cycle doesn't mean it will be good the next time. I mean, something has to go wrong, right?
One other item of information that is making me worry came to my attention today. Apparently, while I was off work last week (actually on vacation this time), my boss's boss asked where I was and how much time off I've been taking. I guess I wasn't flying as low under the radar as I thought. Knowing that he has noticed, well, it makes me really nervous. I am debating whether I should have a conversation with him and let him know what is going on. I haven't been abusing any policies or anything like that, but it still just makes me nervous for some reason.
I know, I'm being negative tonight, but I can't help it. Sorry for being such a downer.
14 comments:
Well, could that get more complicated? Um...yea, I guess it could. I'm sure it'll all work itself out though. I'm thinkin' of ya.
I had been telling my boss' secretary about my trials and I don't know if she told him. Since we are moving on to IVF and I suspect even MORE appointments, I just emailed my boss the other day to officially tell him. What can I say, I am a weenie. He intimidates the hell out of me, and I just didn't feel like telling him about my uterus to his face. He emailed me back and said, no problem and good luck. Ya know, like it is a baseball game or something? :P Anyway, I figure he will be more understanding if he knows this is a big deal.
Whoa.. It doesn't just rain anymore in world of IF- it always pours. What a horrible position to be in.. it is all so unfair.
I am so so sorry.. I am hoping the ultrasound doesnt show anything then you wont have any decisions to make.
Btw- I am a terrible 2ww'er. I asked DH if he can just knock me out for a while until April 7t.. he declined. I am just telling myself I dont care and I dont expect it to work, so it doesnt seem so stressful and crazy.
Any of your concerns--starting a cycle, your beloved man's health issue, work shit--would be enough to sent most people into fits of anxiety. You've got every right to be Denise Downer at the moment; a whole shitload of stuff has just landed on your plate.
I'm usually for tasteful honesty when it comes to IF, but it so depends on the boss and the personalities involved. When I had my surgery recently, I told people I was having a procedure for a non-life threatening but significant medical issue. Vague but still clear enough, if you don't want to go into all the gory details.
Denise ~ Sorry to hear about B. I hope everything goes well with him. The reason we've been on cycling "hiatus" is because of C's MF. He's been on Clomid now since October...waiting stinks, but as with everything else in life, we do what we have to.
((HUGS))
P.S Wanted to let you know that your calendar mirrored mine for my cycle last year...almost exactly. Wierd.
Sometimes I fantasize about what life would be if it were simple....ahhh.... I hate that you have so many moving parts right now. The work thing is just more anxiety you don't need. I hope some of the moving parts come into focus in the next week.
Hope everything goes OK with B's ultrasound, and you wont have to worry about any further decisions. Mook had a hernia when he was young--we think that may be part of the cause of our male factor issues--of course they didnt keep good records back then...*sigh
The medication dosage is the same as mine (mine is 75U Follistim and 1 vial of Menupur), and I was told that I am at risk for hyperstimulation (based on my last IUI results). I am sorry to hear about B's health problem. If he has surgery, I hope it is not too complicated, and recovery is swift. He probably will be in bed for a while, so it is your turn to baby him!
Your post leads me to whine yet again, why, oh why does it have to be so damn complicated??? I feel sure that your husband will be just fine. We ran into a similar issue with our first fresh cycle about having to freeze sperm. The clinic assured us that it would be just fine. (We didn't have to use frozen though; maybe we should have. smile.)
Your bosses' boss is checking up on you. For that, he deserves to hear, step by step, detail by detail your IVF journey, including shot demonstratins. (Of course I assume it's a man.) hang in!
Wow, lots to think about! I can see how overwhelmed you must feel.
I hope that everything is ok with B and this doesn't put a kink in the plans.
But don't you guys have a backup sample already frozen? I know we have one, or P gave one before our first retrieval in case his day-of sample wasn't enough or he couldn't perform...
I hope the protocol works. I know on day four of stims I got dropped to 75u, then like day 6 I was down to 37.5 and then nothing...
And I think you could talk to your boss be vague but talk. Or, be like me and tell all your coworkers today is the day or a camera up your hoo-ha...
hope your hub is ok an everything goes smoothly.
about your boss, don't feel obliged to share too much information. you might say you've had some medical issues that you are resolving, that it's nothing to worry about, and that you appreciate their understanding. I'm usually all for being honest and vague at the same time. but I think "medical" reasons sounds better than "personal" (which is more vague). good luck. ~luna
Oh, that stinks. So much going on. I hope everything works out okay. Worse comes to worse, frozen should probably be ok though.
I think luna might have it with the "medical issues." Most people back off when you word it vaguely like that.
Hey Denise - oh man! what is with all the crazy complications in the IF world lately? As if you needed one more thing to worry about, right?
You have every right to be Denise Downer at the moment - this is one of those times when it is perfectly reasonable to feel very sorry for yourself.
I am wondering how the u/s went? I know you'll update us all soon - I have got my fingers crossed for you and your hubby.
Also, about the boss...eh, I would lean on the side of telling him the truth. Hopefully he will be supportive and understanding or he might be so uncomfortable by the whole topic he'll just completely let you off the hook - you know, like when girls would use the "I'm having my period" excuse with male teachers? Either way, you won't have the added stress of feeling like you are "sneaking" around. Regardless, I hope you find a solution that takes a little of this stress off your shoulders.
Hang in there. I am sending you lots of positive thoughts! (((hugs)))
I'm sorry you're wrestling with all of this uncertainty. I know your patience must feel tested right now. Hopefully, you will get positive news on all fronts- surgery, work, lining---and hopefully, for the whole cycle. Thinking of you.
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