36w2d (Yesterday)

Just thought I would take the opportunity tonight while things are still quiet to post some last belly shots. These were taken yesterday before we left for the party. I managed to stay at the party for 4 hours and it felt so good to be in a social situation again.

Had to take a rear shot since I haven't done any of those yet and I don't appear to really look pregnant from behind. Kind of strange to just have a huge belly and not really gain anywhere else. Not that I'm complaining! I did manage to add an extra chin these last couple of weeks.

I also just wanted to put out a blanket "thank you" to all of you for your support throughout our IF treatment and this pregnancy. We are truly lucky to have such supportive family and friends and to have stumbled upon this online community of friends in the computer. This would have been a much longer, harder, lonelier journey without all of you!

Until tomorrow...

35 Weeks

I can't believe we've made it to 35 weeks. With the exception of the last week or so (since the rash appeared), my 6 weeks on bed rest has gone by pretty quickly. Although I bet B and my parents feel differently. The three of them have traded off waiting on me like a queen for this entire time.

I took my last dose of proc.ardia at 6am this morning and so far I haven't noticed any difference. I have absolutely no gut feeling as to whether something will happen in the next week or not. I know it is probably better for the babies to stay in until 36 weeks, but I wouldn't mind one bit if it happened sooner. I obviously have selfish reasons for feeling this way, but I also just would rather go into labor on my own rather than being induced.

I've posted some belly pix below. I figured I needed to get off my ass (literally) and take some more pictures before it is too late. If you dare, you can click on the picture to see a bigger version and you can see the rash within my stretch marks on my lower abdomen in addition to on my side. But it doesn't really do it justice. I would have to take a picture of my thighs to give you the full effect and I just didn't want to. I don't even like looking at it as it seems to make me itch more!

33w3d

If you haven't already, check out this video.

This week's belly shots are below. Does it look like I'm carrying really low now? It feels like it. My belly feels heavier every day. I hope that means the babies are growing, especially Apple. OB appointment and NST tomorrow. Not feeling very chatty today.

32w3d

No changes to my contractions lately except (dare I say?) they seem to be spread out a bit further. Overall, I feel okay. Pelvic pain has gotten worse and I do have moments of crazy where I feel like I HAVE to move and get off the couch for awhile. My routine is starting to feel very dull. My main annoyance lately is that the skin on my lower abdomen and around the belly button has started to itch like mad. It is so sensitive and tender that if I scratch it very lightly even just for a little bit, it starts to hurt. I must have had a growth spurt in the last day or two that has stretched the skin very thin. Has anyone found anything that helps other than plain old lotion?

B got a lot done this week/weekend. He visited one of the daycare centers on our list, put the changing table together, changed some light bulbs, replaced a battery in a smoke detector (that started beeping at 4am the other night), went grocery shopping, picked up my prescription, got a new tire on his car, put up the Christmas tree and put together the new oil-less turkey frier I got him as an early b-day gift. I sat on the couch yesterday watching him go back and forth like the energizer bunny all day long.

B also made a whole chicken for dinner last night to try out the frier. It cooked a bit unevenly because the chicken was small and a bit difficult to center on the basket, but it was really good. Incredibly tender and moist. We won't be using it for the main bird on Thanksgiving this year, but maybe next year once it is broken in.

Not to be outdone, my mom (with some help from dad) has been running around like crazy helping us to get some things together and taking care of my lunches during the week. She put together a hospital bag for me and I just need to add a couple more things to it. She has also been helping with laundry and all sorts of other odds and ends.

Because of all of this, we are getting very close to having everything ready for these babies! Here's what is still on the list:

1. We still need to decide whether or not to get on a list for a daycare and pay the non-refundable deposit now, or wait and hire a nanny later.
2. B is going to try to install the car seat bases (4 of them!) later this afternoon. Once they are installed, we have to make an appointment with the fire department to get them checked out.
3. We still need to buy a monitor. Ideally, I would like to get a video monitor that has two separate cameras so that we can see both babies. From the online research I've done, there are a couple of video monitors that offer the ability to set up a second camera, although the options are very limited. All the reviews I've read say that hooking up the second camera generates a bunch of static or interference. So I've been stalling on making a decision on this one.
4. We still need to buy some feeding items (bottles, bottle cleaning accessories)
5. I'm still looking for an extra diaper bag. A friend got us one as a gift and it will work great for shorter trips (and it is so incredibly cute). However, I think with twins I need to look for a really big one too to use for overnight visits, and travel etc.
6. Take home outfits for the babies. We'll wait on this one for awhile. I would have no idea at the moment whether to get them something for preemies or just newborn.
7. I started putting together a list of phone calls/emails to make once the babies are born, but I need to finish it.
8. Finish packing hospital bag.
9. We need to look into putting a will together.

Also this week, both my mom and dad got to watch Apple and Banana show off for them with various body parts poking out of my belly, gliding or tumbling across it. They have periods most days where they are very active, although it is usually still difficult for me to tell which baby is moving when.

Hey, when people tell you that you look great when you're pregnant, do they really think so? Or is that just what you say to a pregnant lady? There was a time there that I didn't think I'd get to see what I look like 32 weeks pregnant. This is so cool. Each additional week is a small victory and the next major goal is 34 weeks. Here's what the belly looks like today. I've included a picture with a shirt over the belly this time because I think it looks totally fake, like I stuffed a round beach ball under my shirt!

OB Appointment & New Belly Pix!

Had a regular OB appointment today (every Monday from now on). Nothing exciting. Here are the basics:

• Blood pressure 110/60
• Still gaining a bit of weight slowly--total weight gain of about 26 pounds
• Apple's heart rate at 145 and Banana's at 150
• Belly measuring 37cm (yeah, it was 39cm last Thursday)-I guess it is subjective and not all that accurate, or the babies might have moved positions a bit
• I saw the same doc today that I saw last Thursday and she asked if I "popped" over the weekend, apparently I look bigger!
• Apple's back or butt might be pressed up against the main ligament on the left that holds the uterus up causing the major tenderness I've been feeling
• Cervix still feels closed, thick and up high
• The OB could feel Apple's head, but she said it isn't pushing down and isn't in the birth canal yet, crazy how low she is
• No indication of how much longer we have.  I can't remember if I mentioned this before or not, but the doc mentioned that she's had patients who contract consistently for months and they worry about preterm labor and then they end up going full term and having to induce.

And for your viewing pleasure, here are some belly pix of someone close to me.  I think he felt left out because my belly was getting all of the attention.  Can you guess who it is?  Hint:  it isn't B.

31w2d-Belly Pix From This Week

Not much going on here. Just getting into a routine every day. Get up, take bath, take shower, get dressed, drag huge self down to couch, lie on couch all day, eat periodically, take medicine periodically, drag self back upstairs, take bath, go to bed (insert numerous stops in the bathroom). Still contracting every 5-15 minutes depending on the time of day.

Just thought I would take this opportunity to post some belly pictures. Please don't tell my doctor that I was standing up for these pictures. It really only took like 30 seconds. Plus, I'm starting to go a bit crazy trying to stay comfortable lying down so much. My back and hips really aren't very happy with me.

Beware, some of these pictures show scary stretch marks and might be disturbing due to the sheer size of my belly! Click on them at your own risk.

These pictures were taken today. I took some facing forward so you can see my lovely stretch marks. They started as just faint red lines around the belly button. Then they got darker, crept downward, then upward and now they appear to be creeping to the sides. Lovely. You can also see the lovely red blotch that is the remnant of the top hole that used to contain my navel ring (not to mention my non-existent and slightly outtie belly button).

The other thing I love about the front facing photos are that my belly just looks like a huge, perfectly round ball. But for some reason, it never looks as big to me in the pictures as it does when I'm looking in the mirror. And it is also starting to get really shiny. I think if I stood on the side of the highway at night with my bare belly, it could act as a reflector and I might blind oncoming traffic!

Pictures, Pictures, Pictures

Thought I'd treat you all to some pictures from my hospital stay so far. Before I get to that, let me just say that today was a great day as far as a day in the hospital goes. We had tons of visitors and for pieces of time I was able to forget where I was and why. Monitoring this morning was a bit frustrating and we couldn't find Apple. The doctor happened to come by on rounds at that time, so they got out the ultrasound to reassure us and figure out where to place the monitor. She was right where we thought the whole time and she was moving around a lot, just like her brother. The doctor thought that it looked like she might have more fluid than Friday, but couldn't measure it, so we'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out. The second monitoring session today went well and I was only on for one hour. The last one tonight took WAY too long (2 1/2 hours).  Apple was doing great, but Banana appeared to be asleep for an hour.  Once he perked up and started showing some activity, Apple had a late deceleration through one of my contractions.  So the nurse decided we needed to watch her through a couple more.  She did fine, but then Banana's heart rate was flat again.  The nurse sat in here for almost an hour waiting for Banana to have one more acceleration.  He finally did and she gave me a bowl of Lu.cky Char.ms out of her personal stash as a reward.  Yum.

Now for the pictures.

This first picture is from Halloween day. This was taken in the first room they had me in that had a view of a brick wall. I was still in a hospital gown, but B brought my favorite pillow from home (and so began the slowly moving into the hospital by the bringing in of "stuff"). If you look closely, you can see a bruise on my upper arm. I have no idea how I got it.

This is the latest belly shot taken on Thursday at 30 weeks. It shows off my current wardrobe which now consists of pajama pants and B's white t-shirts. This picture was taken in my current room, in front of the door (I know, exciting).
















This picture was taken as I was returning from one of my many bathroom trips. I had to interrupt monitoring for this particular trip. You can see the pink and blue elastic straps across my belly that hold the monitoring units in place. I'm holding the cords that get plugged into the base unit in my left hand. You can also see my lovely leg compression things (I have no idea what they are called). They plug into a unit that hooks onto the end of the bed. If you could see my make-up-less face and disheveled hair in this picture, you would totally think I'm hot.

This next picture is the view right in front of my bed. The flowers were from my niece's first birthday party last weekend that my mom brought by the next day. The picture frame has a picture of B as a little boy holding a cork board with the letter "B." His family sent us a bunch of pictures of him as a kid a couple of years ago and I framed this one because I thought it was so cute. The two angel ornaments hanging on the picture frame were part of a care package a friend brought by today. One for each baby. I can look at these from my bed and I'm reminded of why I'm doing this. The candle to the left of the frame was also in the care package. It is a flameless candle that works off batteries and smells like vanilla. This is one of my favorite things in the care package. It makes my room smell good and gives it a bit more ambiance. Never mind the fact that all of these things are sitting on top of the hazardous waste container. You can also see the "room service" menu in a little holder on the wall.















This picture shows the bigger picture view straight ahead of my bed. The tv up on the wall, the mini fridge with snacks on top, the same stuff shown in the picture above and the linen hamper.

This picture shows the corner with all my stuff on the floor. There really isn't any storage in the room to put anything in because my room is on the labor and delivery wing. They don't expect people to stay here for long as there is a separate post-pardum wing that they move you to once you deliver. The hospital is very proud of the lamps in these rooms because it provides softer lighting than the harsh overhead lights. The wheelie stool in this picture is helpful for extra seating and, as we found out today, is very entertaining for a 6 year old!

This picture shows some of the touches B brought me from home. The green afghan on the chair was made by his grandmother for one of the babies. We have two, but the other one is still at home. And then there's the Bears blanket. It is soft fleece and very cozy. The couch it is on pulls out length-wise and is for the dad's to sleep on. According to B (who spent the first two nights on this couch), it is not comfortable at all.

This picture shows all of the monitoring equipment. I won't bore you with the details, but this machine rules 3-6 hours of my life every day.

This shows my sink/vanity area. My mom brought me a humidifier because hospital air is incredibly dry. You can also see the IV to the left. I haven't had any IV fluids for about a week now and they took the IV out of my arm a couple of days ago. That was a relief. The stack of white blankets to the right of the picture are actually draped across a recliner.

This picture is of my bathroom (it is in my room) and the shower. It is actually a pretty nice bathroom with nice tiling. You can see the chair in the shower that I have to shower in (I'm not allowed to shower standing up). I've spared you a picture of the toilet. it is off to the right.

This picture shows my window with a view of the mountains (past the roof in the foreground). Much better than looking at a brick wall.

28w3d

First, if you have an opinion on cord blood banking, please go comment on my last post.

It is still surreal to me to think I'm in my 29th week. It is starting to feel like this will really happen and I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, that doesn't mean I will stop complaining anytime soon!

We had a busy weekend (at least for us these days). Yesterday my mom came over and helped me sort through all of the clothes we've gotten, take tags off and sort. B then washed all of the clothes, sheets and towels and we put everything away in the nursery. It's just amazing how much stuff we've gotten! My mom also lined the cabinet/drawers in the bathroom that separates the nursery from the third bedroom upstairs. It is something I've been meaning to do since we moved in 2 years ago. I lined all of the cabinets/drawers in the kitchen, guest bathroom and master bathroom right away. For some reason I stopped at the other bathroom upstairs. This feels like one more step towards accepting/admitting that we are actually going to USE the nursery soon! Today my mom went shopping with me to buy a couple of bras and pajama pants. Shopping is exhausting for me, so it's nice to have someone to grab different sizes for me (especially since I have no idea what size I am in anything these days). I also got through most of the rest of the thank-you notes for gifts we got at the shower and over the last week.

My one last task for tonight is to finish filling out my mail-in ballot. I've filled out some of it (all of the state and local initiatives), but need to finish.

On the pregnancy front, the BH contractions (if that's what they are) have been steadily increasing. Although the pattern is more sporadic during the day while I'm at work and then almost constant at night once I get home and relax. This pattern really doesn't sound like pre-term labor, but I'm paranoid. I called the OB office on Friday to ask about monitoring. The nurse spoke with the doctor and told me to take a bath at night, push fluids and to come in on Monday for a fetal fibronectin test. This is a test for pre-term labor. From what I've read, it isn't all that reliable. But whatever, I'll take it for now. When I go in on Monday, I'm thinking of requesting to move to weekly appointments because the contractions are just making me really nervous.

One new development this week is that I now have stretch marks. They are around my belly button (or what used to be my belly button) and they are oh so hot. The ultrasound tech last Monday commented on how great my skin was and that it was great that I have no stretch marks. Uh, yeah. She spoke too soon. Other than that, just dealing with the same pelvic and back pain and I'm STILL waiting for the pregnancy acne to go away. I guess the idea that it would go away in the 2nd trimester was wishful thinking.

There was a development on the work front last week, but I can't say anything yet as there are some people who read this who travel in the same work circles and nothing has been announced yet. One more week and I should be able to share. Also, in one more week, our dress code at work changes so that we can wear jeans any day of the week instead of just on Fridays. Not all that exciting for me considering my maternity jeans aren't that comfortable and I can seem to find any that will stay up (even with se.cret fit belly). It will be nice once I'm back to my normal clothes. Five more weeks of work until I can relax and hand over the reigns (actually 4.5 because of Thanksgiving). This week is going to be hard though because it is full of meetings. Plus, the person I rely on the most will be out of the country this week. It is for work and this person is going in my place because I can't travel.

That's it for now. Below are new belly pix from yesterday (I've included one straight on-if you click on it you can probably see the lovely stretch marks) and a couple of ultrasound pix from last Monday. This time Apple was easier to see and Banana was hiding from the camera.

Happy Birthday to Me...

Today is my 32nd birthday. I feel old and achy. My ECP is acting up and my back hurts. I'm on my first of 3 days of an increased carb diet to prepare for the 3-hour glucose tolerance test on Wednesday. It has been cloudy, rainy and gloomy all weekend. And this has been the best birthday weekend ever! We had my baby shower yesterday which was just perfect. We got so much great stuff for the babies and I got to hang out with friends and family. Today we are just watching football and eating (a lot).

I've been pretty bad about blogging and reading blogs the last couple of weeks (sorry). This is our second weekend in a row with company, so I've been living in the real world instead. The painter is supposed to start on Tuesday (hopefully he'll show up) and paint the nursery, master bedroom, dining room, and the niche in the family room. Once the painting is done, we can start putting away all of the great baby loot we got at the shower.

My boss informed me last week that he isn't going to make a decision on the position until after I come back. Still not sure how I feel about this. It means I have all the responsibilities of the position until I go on leave, but that is it. Once I'm on leave, a coworker will take over and then we'll see what happens when I get back. I think my boss is worried that I won't want all of the responsibility that the position entails once I have two babies. Ahh, the things men don't ever have to worry about.

My boss also decided that I should hand over the reigns on December 1st, so even if I'm still at work, I'll just be support and my back-up will be in charge at that point. This means that it will probably make sense to start working from home at that point. Seven more weeks. Seven. More. Weeks.

Well, I would expect that my belly shots this week would look much bigger than two weeks ago, but it doesn't look that way to me. Maybe it's just the pictures. Last Monday when they measured me, the belly had grown about 4 cm in 2 weeks. You would think that would be visible in the pictures, but oh well.

The Smell of Memory (and 24w2d)

You know how smell is so strongly linked to memory? A single whiff of a certain smell can bring back a day 10 years ago with such clarity you feel like you're there. I had one of those moments this morning. Although the memory isn't from nearly that long ago and it isn't one specific memory, but rather an entire section of time in my life.

I woke up this morning fresh from a dream of spotting. In my dream, I was spotting pink and waiting for a call back from the OB. I was worried, close to panic. I was also supposed to go perform a floor routine in a gymnastics meet and my old coach was annoyed with me for delaying. I could see the red starting to creep up his neck. I was trying to explain to him how NOT RIGHT spotting is at 24 weeks into a pregnancy. In the (no) logic of dreams, it didn't seem to matter that I was going to tumble while 24 weeks pregnant. Go figure.

When I woke up, I ran (okay, waddled) to the bathroom and was relieved to find NO spotting whatsoever. I went back to sleep for a couple of minutes and B woke me up with donuts and juice in bed. Do I have the best husband or what? This completely rid my mind of the lingering disturbance of my dream. I ate, showered and got dressed in the slow, clumsy fashion that is my reality these days.

As I put my watch and rings on, I casually grabbed a bottle of scented lotion on the dresser and rubbed the lotion on my hands. And immediately, it felt like I should be doing a shot of Me.nopur, or feeling the stick of a PIO shot. I guess I haven't opened that lotion in at least 4 or 5 months. The smell immediately brought back the FEELING and EMOTION of dealing with all of the shots and disappointments of the past 2.5 years. I looked down at my ever-expanding waistline and my brain tried to meld my realities together. The reality of the past pain and disappointment, the reality of my current fear and excitement, and the reality of these two lives that we are already so attached to and how close they are to joining our family. There must have been a crack in the space-time continuum (yes, I'm a child of the 80's).

Do you ever have a smell or an object bring a rush of memory to the surface? Does that memory linger with you or are you able to brush it off?

I think I'm going to go wash my hands.



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Week 24 belly shots below. Sorry for the belly bra, but once it is on for the day, it doesn't come off until the evening.

23w2d

This was one long week. We had people from around the world in town for a week-long conference. Monday through Wednesday afternoon were spent in a hotel downtown sitting through presentation after presentation. Some of it was focused on soft skills, other pieces were technical. And because of my current work situation, instead of sitting through all of the presentations and just listening, I also had to present a couple myself (which I just found out about the week before). Others had months to prepare for their presentations and I found myself presenting topics that someone else had prepared the slides for. Not the ideal situation. It was also the first time I've spoken in front of that big of a crowd (70 people) and had to use a microphone. All in all, it went off swimmingly. During the first presentation, I must have been nervous because Apple and Banana were kicking up a storm. It was a little distracting!

We started each morning at 7:30am or 8:00am depending on the day. Monday night was a mandatory dinner. Tuesday night was a Rockies game (which I skipped). I was pretty sore all week and it was difficult to sit in those hotel conference chairs all day long. On Tuesday, they found me a "more comfortable" chair. It was more cushioned, but deep and the back leaned back pretty far. Not the most comfortable thing for a short person to sit in, but I didn't want to complain after they went to the trouble to find something more comfortable for me.

Wednesday afternoon around 3pm, we all headed up to Vail for the rest of the week. I drove myself so I would have total control over when I left Friday and wouldn't have to go back into town since I live on the West side of town. By the time I checked into the hotel Wednesday and got settled, I had about 20 minutes to rest before it was time for dinner. Dinner was just a 5 minute walk (for a normal person) in the village, but it took me about 15 minutes to get there and I was exhausted, huffing and puffing the whole way. I definitely noticed a difference with the change in altitude. Dinner didn't end until about 9:30pm and then I had to walk back to the hotel. The village is all cobblestone and, while it is beautiful, it is pedestrian only, so there was no option to drive or take a cab.

I slept horribly Wednesday night. While everyone else thought the beds were supremely comfortable, it felt like I was sleeping on concrete. I tossed and turned all night and woke up sore. Thursday was another day of presentations and break-out groups until around 3pm. At that point, we met to kick off the team building activity. It was a pseudo amazing race where teams had to complete different challenges around town. I knew I wouldn't be up to running around Vail with a team, so I settled for sitting at one of the stations and watching all of the teams come through. Unfortunately, as soon as I got in the car with the coordinators, my boss called and asked if I could join a conference call. So they dropped me back off at the hotel and I spent the rest of the afternoon in my boss's room on conference calls. Dinner was another lengthy affair that lasted until 9:30pm.

I didn't sleep well again and by yesterday morning, I was ready for the week to be over. We had one more presentation from 8 to 9am and then it was back to my boss's room for another conference call. I was excused from the call 10 minutes early so that I could go get my massage. In the meantime I accidentally locked myself out of my room and had to lug all of my work stuff down to the spa with me. My massage was at 11am and I had to be on another call at 1pm. The massage itself was nice. They had one of those cool pregnancy cushion contraptions with pieces that move around to accommodate lying on your back, side or stomach (with cut outs for the belly and boobs). The cushion was really comfortable. But of course, it was hard to relax and calm my brain down in between phone calls and a hectic day.

Without all of the actual work going on, the idea was that you get your massage and then go eat a leisurely lunch with others in Vail and hang out for a couple of hours enjoying the scenery before heading home. No such luck for me. I didn't want to sit at the hotel for the 1pm call because I didn't know how long it would last and I knew I would have work to do after the call. So after my massage, I rushed to pack up, check out and was on the road by 12:30pm. The call lasted until 2:30pm, 15 minutes past when I got home. I then spent the rest of the day working from home and finally stopped around 5pm.

I slept pretty good last night back in my own bed with the proper configuration of pillows and our 4-inch memory foam pad. I really missed my bed. Today we are trying to make final paint decisions for the dining room, master bedroom, and the niche in the family room. I'm expecting a call from the painter this week to let us know he's ready to start. We also have a vet appointment for Scout today (just normal routine exam and shots). I haven't seen our vet since I got pregnant, so I'm going to go with B today when he takes Scout in. We absolutely love our vet and she's gonna freak when she sees me!

For your viewing pleasure, below are this weeks belly shots in addition to a shot of the stroller and car seats that B put together last weekend. Enjoy.

Are You Ready for Some Football?

Football season is now officially in full swing. It is cloudy and cool here today, which makes it feel even more like football season. And B is making chile for dinner. Nothing like curling up on the couch in sweats with no make-up for the day. The only draw back is that I'm uncomfortable in my own skin! Can't sit in one position for longer than 10 minutes to save my life. Oh well. My little occupants are just as squirmy this morning!

We went to dinner last night at this place. It was my first time there after hearing people just rave about the place. Everything we had was really good, but I didn't eat much of my entree. I must have filled up on the bread, appetizers and gazpacho. I'm not usually one for cold soup, but the gazpacho was really tasty.

Did anyone watch SN.L last night? Tin.a Fe.y was hilarious as SP! It is such a perfect fit. I wonder if she has been automatically imitating her since Mc.Cain's announcement? Or if she just had to study her mannerisms this week. Either way, it was great! Even the accent. Is it just me, or does SP sound a bit like she's from Minnesota?

One more week until the next ultrasound. I have this irrational (at least I hope it's irrational) fear that I'm only feeling one move and the other one is in trouble. Why do these thoughts keep creeping into my head? I keep trying to push them away as soon as they pop up, but the thoughts still come back. I wish I had better control of my own brain.

Oh yeah, and my pre.natal crad.le came on Thursday last week. I L.O.V.E. it. It has definitely helped with the soreness and I'm walking much better now. It does kind of look like a weird contraption, but it is mostly hidden under clothes (other than the straps at the top that tend to peek out of my shirts. There is one other version that is *more* supportive, but it looks like a jock strap was added on to the original. It might have helped more with the pelvic pain (or evil crotch pain, as Nancy calls it), but it just freaked me out.

Here is the latest belly shot as of yesterday, which was 22w2d. I've got the cradle on in the pictures and I was sportin my Illini orange yesterday. For some reason the shots are a little fuzzy when I use the timer on the camera and the lighting is funky. Oh well.

21w3d

I need to take a moment to apologize to my readers who are still in the throes of treatment, or adoption, or living childfree. I can't seem to help myself, but every single post these days is about this pregnancy. Surely there must be something else going on in this head of mine, right? Nope. Other than the election (which I won't discuss in this forum), all I think about these days are Apple and Banana and how to get through the next 15-19 weeks with some kind of semblance of grace.

I was talking to a friend of mine at lunch on Friday (hi C!) and we were talking about the anxiety and fear involved in a pregnancy where it was so difficult to get there or where you've suffered previous losses. I keep thinking that once I hit a certain milestone, I'll be able to relax and just enjoy going forward. But when I reach every one of those milestones, there are more milestones ahead to focus on and I just worry about the next thing.

My latest paranoia is about pre-term labor. I can't help but pause whenever I feel a painless contraction come on. It took me awhile to realize what that tightening was, but I'm convinced they are contractions. Normal contractions. As my doctor said, the uterus is a muscle and it is going to contract whether from activity, dehydration, or just doing nothing. The key is to notice whether there is a pattern, if you have more than 5 in an hour and if it is accompanied by lower back pain, etc. In the multiples book I read, it says starting at 20 weeks you should lay down for 1 hour a day and monitor for contractions. I finally decided to do this today and wouldn't you know, I didn't detect even one contraction for that hour. But, as soon as I got up to get a snack and started moving around a bit more, there it was. Not painful, but still noticeable.

So this will be my new obsession until my next OB appointment in two weeks. Thankfully, I start seeing the OB every two weeks after this appointment, so no more 4 week stretches of wondering if everything is okay. As I was lying in bed last night waiting for the Ty.lenol pm to kick in, I was thinking about how if I'm not careful, I will make myself crazy with anxiety over the next couple of months. Let's face it, the issues I'm having now with shortness of breath, fatigue, and pelvic pain are not going to go away. Most likely they will get worse.

Side note to my family: I don't want you to worry about me. If there were really a reason to worry, you would know. This is just my place to vent my fears and anxieties and I don't want to deprive myself of that freedom because I worry that you will worry.

I was talking to our neighbor that lives behind us today after not having seen her in a long time. I had forgotten that she is a nurse and she told me today that she is a lactation specialist and teaches breastfeeding classes. She offered herself up anytime I have questions. It is really nice to know that there is someone right there if I run into any issues, breastfeeding or otherwise. Yes, I know there are other resources for this, but how convenient to have a nurse living right behind us! And she was really excited to hear we're expecting twins since she is a twin herself (and her twin sister happens to share my name).

Today we picked up the converter rails and toddler guard rails for the cribs as they had finally arrived at the store. We purchased car seats and the s.nap n go stroller. And I ordered a pr.enatal cr.adle online. It is a support belt for pregnant bellies that has straps that go over the shoulders. I had no idea what size to order, so I hope it fits. And the twin nursing pillow I ordered should be here this week. So things are moving along on the gear front.

Here are my 21w3d belly shots for your viewing pleasure. The belly is starting to take up more room in the picture!

20w4d

Latest belly shots below. We've had a busy weekend, although it wasn't all that productive.

On Friday, we opened the front door to 4 matching packages! They were 4, yes 4, of the bouncy chairs we had on our registry. We registered for 2 of them and both my brother and SIL, and B's sisters ordered 2 on the same day! We decided to keep two and take two back for store credit. If Apple and Banana like the chairs, we thought we'd go back after they're born and buy two more so that we have two upstairs and two downstairs. My brother and SIL also gave us a swing to use. The baby gear is slowly starting to appear in the house!

Friday night we had two fantasy football drafts going on at the same time (one with family, one with friends). It was a little crazy with 8 guys sitting at the dining room table dealing with their draft and B running back and forth between the dining room and the kitchen where I was sitting with the other computer to consult on picks for the family draft. But we managed. And we were pleasantly surprised with our wireless high speed internet capabilities since we had 8 computers hooked up at once. We've never had more than 3 in the house at a time and so didn't really know if it could handle a lot more.

Saturday was my mommy-to-be pampering day. I got a haircut and a prenatal massage and it was pure bliss. I feel much freer now with most of my hair chopped off and the massage was great. She started me on one side, with towels propped under my belly for support and a foam block to rest the top leg on. She worked on my back, neck, shoulders, hips and then I flipped over to the other side for more of the same. Then she had me on my back (with a towel under one hip) and worked on my feet and legs. She kind of grabbed each leg and moved it around the loosen up the hip joint. Then she moved on to the hands and arms and finally to the neck and scalp. Ahhh. Wish I could do that every weekend.

On Sunday, we tried to shop for gliders again, but all three stores we tried were either closed for the day, for the holiday, or for good. Looks like we have to wait until next weekend. Sunday night we met some friends for a gluttonous 3-hour fondue meal. I'm still drooling and thinking about the dessert course...

On Thursday, I hit 20 weeks, the half way mark for a full term singleton pregnancy. Given that twins usually come early (I think I read average is 36 weeks), I'm more than halfway there. Yippee!

I continue to feel more and more like time is slipping through my fingers and I can't seem to get much done. We did get an estimate from a painter last week to paint the nursery, our bedroom, and the dining room, which we've been meaning to do for awhile. Now we have a couple of weeks to finalize our paint choices before he starts. We are definitely going with solid walls for the nursery, but not sure if we've decided which colors on which walls and what to do with the ceiling. I'm still leaning towards the green on opposing walls, yellow on opposing walls, and blue on the ceiling, but I'm having trouble picturing it. I'm actually really looking forward to getting our bedroom painted. It has a tray ceiling and some architectural details that a good paint job could really show off. The room has felt unfinished to me since we moved in and I'm anxious to see if my vision looks as good in person as it does in my head.

If I end up delivering at 36 weeks, that puts us at mid-December (3 1/2 months from now). Doesn't seem like much time to get all of our to-do list done. I'm definitely starting to tire more easily. One trip out for the day and I really slow down. It doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping well. I still wake up about every two hours from a throbbing hip and the extra strength tyl.enol doesn't seem to do much. I gave in and took bena.dryl last night. Usually if I need a little allergy help or some extra help sleeping, I'll take a half because a full one just knocks me out. I took a full one before bed last night and it definitely still drugged me up, but I managed to still wake up, notice a throbbing hip, and roll over to the other side every couple of hours. I think I was able to fall back asleep faster though, so it did help a little. I just can't take it every night because it makes me SO groggy in the morning.

On the plus side, I'm feeling Apple and/or Banana move on a daily basis now. Usually if I sit down in a reclining position, one or both of them will start squirming around. I can't tell the difference between them yet and because Banana was so active at our last scan, I keep assuming it's him moving around. But I'm sure it is both of them. It is really weird when it happens when I'm around other people because I get so distracted and can't focus on anything else but what's going on in there. I try to picture what they are doing. Was that a foot? An elbow? A stretch? It is so incredibly cool, but I completely lose track of what is going on around me!

Even with all of this going on, I am still surprised when I see myself in the mirror. My god, I'm PREGNANT! It still seems weird to me and I'm not sure it will ever seem natural. Does it look like there's a basketball in my belly?

19w3d

Tomorrow I will be 19w4d and will have the big, scary anatomy scan. This is the big ultrasound where they take a bunch of measurements and try to identify any obvious problems with Apple and Banana. Although I have no reason to believe anything is wrong, it is still hard to not worry. B has to work, so my mom will be tagging along. Because there are two babies to measure, etc., the ultrasound is scheduled for 90 minutes with the doctor appointment following. I hope I can manage lying on that table for 90 minutes! The last ultrasound took about an hour. I wasn't at all uncomfortable at the time because I was so fixated on watching the screen. But I was definitely stiff getting up.

No major developments lately. Here's the bullet point list of the minor developments:

• I continue to get bigger and more sore (duh). It is getting harder to move around and sleeping for more than 2 hours at a time has become almost impossible. I have tried so many different pillows and pads to sleep with/on that we might just go broke before Apple and Banana actually arrive.  I've started to notice more strain on my hips, back and neck.
• I scheduled my first prenatal massage for next weekend to try to alleviate this and I can't wait!
• I'm starting to notice that I tire more quickly these days.  Shopping for maternity clothes is the most exhausting thing in the world.  Unfortunately it seems like every time I think I'm set for awhile, a week goes by and things are already starting to feel snug.
• My appetite has gotten better although my tastes are still not what they were.  It is frustrating to not want my favorite foods and to not really want anything in general, but know that I have to eat something.  Let's just say I've had a lot of milkshakes and ice cream the last couple of weeks.
  
• My belly button is now a shallow dent in my belly.  It is only a matter of time...
• It is getting harder to shave my legs.  Is it winter yet?
• My hair has gotten too long and is driving me crazy, so it's getting chopped off next weekend. (don't worry, it won't be anything too drastic)
• B continues to take care of me, the dogs, and the house like a champ doing all of the laundry and grocery shopping among other things.
• We continue to work on our registries.  It is pretty overwhelming.
• The cribs and dressers were delivered this weekend and B already put everything together.  Pictures are below.  They look black in some of the pictures, but it is a dark brown (espresso) stain on the wood.  All of the pieces seem very sturdy and well made and the cribs convert to a toddler bed and then a full size bed (the front and back of the crib become the headboard and footboard) with converter rails.  The converter rails still haven't come in yet.
• We've been shopping for gliders/rockers/recliners to put in the nursery, but apparently I'm really picky.  I want something wide enough with wide enough arms that I might be able to nurse/feed both babies at the same time sitting in it.  But I also need to be able to reach the floor to glide/rock the chair without having to slouch down in the chair (common problem for us short folks).  So far the only chair that seems to be perfect is a La.z.bo.y and, of course, it is the UGLIEST thing in the world.  Why does comfort=ugly?
• We are still undecided on the nursery paint.  I know the stripes are a lot, so I doubt we will go that route, but it was fun to play with.  I do want to somehow use all three colors, but B doesn't seem too excited about doing the two green walls, two yellow and blue ceiling.
• Because of the D.N.C. in town this week, I'm working from home.  We were encouraged to do so and I thought it would be a good opportunity to practice for bed rest should it become necessary to prove to my boss that I can make it work.  I hope I can manage to be productive instead of getting distracted!
• Although we seem to be busy every weekend getting ready for these babies, the to-do list just seems to grow.  Sigh.

Here are some pictures for this week for your viewing pleasure.