I'm Still Here

No I haven't dropped off the face of the earth, just out of the blogosphere. This week has been hard. I dragged myself to work and home each day and that was about it. By the time I get home each night, I'm sick, sore and exhausted. I force myself to eat something and then head up to bed no later than 8pm each night. Doesn't leave much time for blogging or reading other blogs. Or for anything else. I didn't even pick up any of my P books this week at all because the thought of reading (whether on paper or the computer) just makes me more queasy. I haven't even been obsessively staring at our ultrasound pictures because it just reminds me of how sick I feel.

The good thing is that once I get food down, I manage to keep it down. Problem is, it is really hard to just get it down. Nothing ever sounds good to me and most things don't taste like they used to. One day this week it took me an hour to eat half a bagel. I've lost a little bit of weight instead of gaining and I just don't feel healthy. The nurse assured me not to worry about it and just eat what I can. I've also been told I can go back to light exercise, but I can't even imagine doing anything other than lying on the couch right now.

I know that I sound ungrateful. I've been feeling guilty for acting this way because we've finally accomplished what we've been working towards for over two years and all I can do is complain. What happened to happy and excited? All I can say is that I will get there. Even if I feel like this through the whole pregnancy (please, don't make me do that), once these babies are born, happy and excited (although still exhausted) will be my best friends. Someday. It just feels so far away right now.

On Thursday I went back to the clinic to get blood drawn after I had been completely off of the en.dometrin for two days. I walked out of the building into the bright morning sunshine and wondered if it would be the last time I ever stepped foot in that place. I was afraid to hope for that, like just thinking it would jinx everything. Later that afternoon, my nurse called to tell me that I've officially graduated. They have released me to the care of my OB.

She told me to make sure I bring the babies in to visit when they are born and I told her I would never do that. I've been in that waiting room too many times feeling sorry for myself and bitter when someone brings a baby or a kid into the building. I just don't feel that it is appropriate unless there is no other choice. We agreed to meet at Targ.et some time since it is babyland anyway. She also made me promise to shoot her an email every once in awhile and let her know how things are going. I have to say, although I won't miss that place at all, I will miss my nurse. It feels like we've been through a war together.

I am now completely off all medications other than the baby aspirin (which I'll stay on through the first trimester) and my prenatal vitamins (which have taken on a whole new level of gross lately). From all physical aspects, I'm just a normal pregnant lady now. It feels really weird to say that and it is still a bit hard to believe. It is also a bit intimidating to think of going back to my OB's office and sitting in the waiting room will all the oblivious, normal pregnant women. I don't know if I'll ever feel like I belong there. I have my first appointment there next Wednesday, although it is just with a nurse practitioner, so I'm not sure what all they will do. I will be just shy of 8 weeks at that point. I wonder if we'll get to hear the heartbeats? That would be cool.

To all my blogging friends, I'm sorry I've been absent this week. I'll try to do some catching up on the weekends if I can.
Hope you are all doing okay.

And the Verdict Is...

Let me introduce you all to Sticky Bun (Bun A) and Sweet Bun (Bun B). We have 2 Buns baking! Sticky bun is measuring right on schedule (6w4d) and Sweet Bun is a day ahead (6w5d). They both look great! We weren't able to hear the thump of the little heartbeats because they don't like to use doppler this early on, but we did get to see the little flicker of both heartbeats on the screen and it was so cool! One was beating at 115 bpm and the other at 118 bpm, which is right on target. And my cervix looks great also (closed and long).

Looks like we'll definitely be reading that multiples book that K&G gave us!

On the Eve of a Big Day

I've been somewhat absent from this blog and my beloved blogging friends the last couple of days. This is due to two reasons. For one, we've had family in town and it's been a bit busy. Add to that the nausea that is now my constant companion. It has made staring at my computer screen a bit difficult. And since today begins NaComLeavMo (see icon down the right side of my sidebar), I thought I should get back in the game. I didn't realize how difficult leaving 5 comments a day would be for me in my current state. But I'll do my best.

I also haven't had too much to say lately. I've been trying not to obsess too much about tomorrow's ultrasound. I've been pushing the fear and doubt away and trying to take comfort in how crappy I've been feeling. At this point, I don't even care how many are in there. I just want one healthy Bun heartbeat in the right place. Pretty please.

Opportunity Knocks

I'm taking this opportunity to get a quick post in while I feel up to it. Since Monday night the nausea has kicked back in and by the time I get home, all I want to do is strip, eat and go to bed (in that order). B made a really nice dinner for me tonight (okay, most nights) and I took one look at it and thought I was going to throw up just looking at it. I just couldn't force myself to eat it. So I ate a nice healthy dinner of bagel bites instead. Mmm. Pizza, pasta and pizza and pasta related items seem to be the only things I even sort of like these days. Food has become fuel to me this week, it is no longer pleasure and that's weird. The other weird thing is that the things that I usually love and crave (chocolate, ice cream, cookies, anything sweet) don't sound appealing to me AT ALL.

The nausea is not specific to any time of the day, the worst of it comes and goes throughout the day, but it is constantly there at some level. I'm not complaining. Really, I'm not. I know this is GOOD. It is a good sign that there's still something going on in there. It is just hard to focus on that when I'm concentrating so hard on not throwing up. In meetings.

5 more days until our first look at the Buns!

Keep It Comin

The good news continues. My E2 came back today at 5,893 (should be over 300) and my P4 came back at 214. I swear the nurse said P4 just needs to be at least 6, but I must have heard wrong because last Thursday they told me 20, so maybe she said 60. Anyway, they are very happy with my levels so as of Wednesday, I will be officially patch free and down to only one suppository a day. Yippee!! I go back in so they can check levels again on Friday and I'm hoping at that time, they'll take me off the suppositories completely and I can be completely au natural-hormonally speaking (imagine that).

When I heard my E2 level today it started to make sense that I've felt pretty cruddy the last two days. Similar to how I felt during stims both times when my E2 was skyrocketing.

One more week until that first ultrasound. I'm hoping this week goes by quickly. I'm sure it will as my grandma (Hi Grandma!) will be coming to visit for a week on Wednesday. Although the Buns will be just the most recent in a pretty long line of great-grandkids for her, I know she is really excited for us. She reads my blog religiously (how cool is that?) and sends me encouraging emails. On Friday, my bro, SIL and niece (6mos) will be coming to visit and they will be staying with us for the weekend. Can't wait to see how my niece has grown in the last 2 months. My aunt will also be in town Thursday through Saturday, so we have a busy weekend ahead. I'm sure it will fly by!